Oh, There It Is

You know, all night I was trying to think of something funny to say about the fact that a ninth-century Viking explorer and adventurer named Ohthere once existed. This name makes me laugh for reasons I can’t quite explain. And all I could come up with was this stupid post title.

Truth, Justice and the American Way Meet Dancing, “Making It Happen” and “Owning This Town”

So there exists, apparently, this Snowflame, a supervillain in the DC universe. The name fits, but not because he has powers over, you know, ice or fire or anything, but because it describes the thing that gives him his powers, the thing he worships as a god: cocaine. Yep, he’s a coke superfiend, and that’s about the extent of his character.

I could explain more, I suppose, but his profile on the DC wiki lays out it pretty well — and the succinct, direct, repetitive way its laid out cannot be trumped my flashy words:

Succinct, yes? Direct, yes? Repetitive, yes? And easily the best part is “Touching Snowflame was sufficient to give The Floronic Man a contact high.”

Ooh, I Love Classic Cinema

Vintage Kenan.

They’ll Forget to Bury Her

You could pick out a lot that’s weird about Goya’s painting of the Charles IV, King of Spain, and his brood.



For example, you could choose to focus on how Goya inserting himself, ghostly and leering in the background. I, however, feel more weirded out by the woman turned away — you know, as if the painting were made in the same way a photo is snapped and she just happened to have turned away stupidly.

So what’s her deal? She’s Charles IV’s oldest daughter, Carlota of Spain, who eventually became queen consort of Portugal. In all honestly, it’s perhaps kinder of Goya to have painted her turned away, because this is what she looked like:

And given the fact that this an official portrait, you can assume that the artist employed the painting equivalent of a Photoshop “look less like shit” filter. From her Wikipedia page, a little more insight into poor, dumpy Carlota:

In 1788, when his eldest brother Joseph, Prince of Brazil, died, John became the first in line to his mother's throne. Soon he received the titles Prince of Brazil and 17th Duke of Braganza. Between 1788 and 1816, Charlotte was known as Princess of Brazil. John, her husband, was good-natured, indolent, corpulent and almost as ugly as was she. His religious observances bored her and they were quite incompatible. Nevertheless they produced nine children and, because they were all handsome, it was rumoured that especially the younger ones had a different father. After the birth of the ninth child they began to live separate lives, he at Mafra and she at Queluz. Here it was rumoured that she had bought a retreat where she indulged in sexual orgies. 

And if that isn’t a Wikipedia passage that’s clearly skewed by bias, then Queen Carlota’s totally wasn’t the product of generations of inbreeding.

Puffinface

This photo exists at the precise intersection of “cute” and “horrifying.” It’s like Cute Overload as processed through the servers of Cthulhu.

Also, I feel the puffin looks slightly guilty.

Happy long weekend!

A Game of Shit

There exists a video game — specifically a Pac-Man clone released for the MSX — whose title is Oh Shit! I am not kidding. Here’s the European cover:

And here’s the Japanese version, which truncates that title simply to Shit:

That title is no misnomer: According to Hardcore Gaming 101, the game is an example of a kusoge. Literally translating from Japanese as “shit game” or “shitty game,” the term refers to a purposefully bad game that is meant to be enjoyed in a campy way. Think of hipsters watching Mama’s Family and you get the idea. But be honest: How many times have you been playing actual Pac-Man or one of its less shitty knock-offs and met your death-by-ghost-touch in a dark, dot-lined hallway and exclaimed simply “Shit!”?

The Puppets Are Apparently in the Forest

(Apparently I’m starting September by firing the geekiness in full force.)

I have this thing where I like something and then find out the thing I like seems to be referencing something else that I liked long ago and had forgotten about. It’s strange, because I end up wondering if my liking of this later thing has resulted from my own conscious processes or something deeper and less deliberate. I suppose the jury will remain out on that matter. Also, I’m a TV geek. And a video game geek. And, inasmuch as one can be when one lacks any aptitude for it, a music geek. And today’s post hits all three pegs.

Long, long ago, I saw a few episodes of The Storyteller, a Jim Henson-produced TV series that employed puppets to tell old tales from various world folklores. I can’t even remember how I first saw this, and given the show’s BBC affiliation, I think it might have been during one of my childhood stints in New Zealand. But I did see it, and I loved it, even if I more or less forgot about it in my later life. Then, slightly less long ago, I played a particular video game, Super Mario RPG, this wonderful team-up between the people who gave me Super Mario Bros. and Final Fantasy. It had an especially memorable soundtrack for a video game, and to this day, years later, I find these tunes sneaking out of my lower brain registry, into my consciousness and then into my humming mechanisms. (I feel like people wonder what I’m humming and why it tends to loop.) So imagine my great surprise when it was pointed out to me that the Storyteller closing credits theme song greatly resembles one of the more stand-out tracks from this video game.

(A break: I generally refrain from posting those kind of “OMG this song rips off this other song OMG!” posts, mostly because I don’t have the greatest technical understanding of music, despite seven years of piano lessons. It mostly comes down to a fundamental failure on my part to “get” music. For all I know, the similarities I’m hearing in certain pieces aren’t actually that remarkable but instead are just indicative of typical, standard chord progressions and whatnot. Regardless of my musical ineptitude, I’m pushing this one on you. Decide for yourself.)

So here they are, side-by-side: the end credits theme from The Storyteller and the forest music from Super Mario RPG:

I mean, aren’t they strikingly similar? If the video game one doesn’t cut it for you, imagine its more primitive, digital instrumentation replaced by the real deal. Then, now, imaginative one, can you hear it?

In case you don’t, I’d like to point out two major reasons why I’m not crazy. First, the Super Mario RPG theme plays during the point in the game when the player is wandering through a forest, chasing Geno — the blue-cloaked character in the video image and a very Pinocchio-esque character who starts out as a wooden puppet and then comes to life. Yes, a puppet — not a Muppet but still. In the context of a Jim Henson cultural connection, that seems noteworthy. Secondly, the name of the video game track is “Beware the Forest Mushrooms.” Doesn’t that sound like the title of some old world fairy tale? Doesn’t that sound like the warning some headstrong Eastern European orphan would not heed, therefore brining about his own demise? The song title ties in with the game, yes, but couldn’t it also be a nod to the composer’s inspiration?

And if you outright pooh-pooh the idea that video game music or even video games in general could have a cause-and-effect relationship with “higher” pop culture, then consider this: The composer, Yoko Shimomura, went on to do more video games, including a sequel to my beloved Secret of Mana games. One of the songs from this game ended up getting sampled in a Janet Jackson song.

And that’s pretty weird on its own.

Thoughts?