Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Mrs. Dolan’s Class Is Excited — Awkward, Too

Let’s be honest. There’s a lot going on in the below excerpt from the 1988 book A Visit to the Airport.

First off, I would like to say that I can’t pick which of these strange-looking people is my favorite, but that would be a lie. It’s totally the girl with the glasses.

I have decided that her name is Marne. I mean, she’s obviously not Karen, because Karen got to speak in the book, whereas Marne would have the book read to her and then realize “They didn’t give me anything to say.” I’m not sure what her last name is, but I’m sure it rhymes with something awful.

Now a child has never elicited this reaction from me, but I feel compelled to hug Marne and tell her that it doesn’t matter what happened in the past because it will all be okay one day. “Marne,” I’d say, “You have to believe me. No matter how bad it seems, it won’t be that way forever. You may not believe me. I’m sure you don’t. Why would you? But one day it will get better and you’ll realize that I was right.” And then I’d ask Marne where she got her glasses so I could find this person and yell at them for letting something like this happen.

Also: This book came out in 1988. That is not that long ago. I remember things that happened in 1988. These kids are probably my age now. And yet I don’t remember life looking so frumpy back then. Was I just looking at 1988 life through the innocent, non-judging eyes of a child? Or was it that my 1988 happened in California and these people are in Wisconsin? Like, I’ve seen pictures of things that happened to me and my family in 1988 and they do not look this old. Is it like the thing where Canada didn’t get the 80s until 1993, as Robin Scherbatsky once pointed out? Or does it has something to do with the fact that the kids seem to have been abducted by members of some awful cult in which rank is determined by how little color you have in your clothes?

Sorry kids, I don’t know why you think you’re at the airport, but with these ladies leading the way, I feel like you’re probably not coming back.

(Via Awful Library Books.)

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