Thursday, March 5, 2015

The Very Short Story of How My Hat Made Me Appear Crazy

I wear a lot of hats — and I mean this in the literal sense. Today, I wore my Dipper hat to Home Depot. This proved to be a mistake.

What follows is a more or less verbatim transcript of my interaction with the cashier working the returns counter at the Home Depot on Sunset.

Cashier: I like your hat.

Me: Oh, thank you.

Cashier: What sports team has a blue pine tree as the logo?

Me: It’s not a sports team. It’s from a TV show.

Cashier, clearly impressed by this fact: Did someone wear that hat on a TV show?

Me: No. It’s from Gravity Falls.

Cashier: Oh, I don’t know that show.

Me: It’s a cartoon.

Cashier: [squints]

Me: It’s on the Disney Channel.

Cashier, laughing: A real hat from a cartoon show. Yeah, okay.

Me: Well, they made one like the one on the show. It’s not from the cartoon.

Cashier: Cartoons aren’t real, honey.

Me: They kind of are.

Cashier: Oh, okay.

Me: My friend worked on the show and he gave me the hat.

Then she asked me if I needed a bag. I did not. I am unclear whether her dismissive laughter was about the fact that I was an adult human wearing a cartoon-inspired hat or whether this adult, hat-wearing human thought cartoon wardrobe items could somehow pass into the real world via my apparently magical, plane-of-reality traveling friend. Her reaction may have also resulted from my assertion that cartoons are “kind of” real. But they are. It is also possible that she just did not believe that I had a friend who worked on cartoons — or, for that matter, a friend.

“Honey.” Ugh.

I still like the hat.

Previous instance of my inability to successfully interact with other humans:

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