Sunday, March 8, 2015

The Dark Truth About the Cadbury Bunny Auditions

Cadbury has been airing the “bunny auditions” commercial starting in Easter 1994, and they’ve been doing it at least off and on since then, if not every single year.

And why not? Funny-sounding animals! Graininess aside, it’s timeless so long as you don’t take the following bits of information into account.

The average lifespan of a domestic pig is six to ten years.

The average lifespan of a Himalayan cat is about fifteen years.

The average lifespan of a lion is ten to fourteen years.

The average lifespan of llama is twenty to thirty years.

The average lifespan of a giant tortoise is one hundred years.

And finally the average lifespan of a domestic bunny is nine to twelve years.

This commercial being twenty-one years old, all them animals are probably long dead, save for the giant tortoise, who will outlive all of us just out of spite, and maybe the llama, depending on how old that bockbegocking llama was to begin with.

It’s appropriate in a way, that just like Jesus himself, these dead animals get resurrected just in time for Easter. However, the next time you celebrate the return of our lord by biting into a Cadbury egg, remember that that smooth, creamy fondant is actually the taste of dead animals.

Happy Easter!

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