Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Purple Monkey Dishwasher

Critical, ironic meme participation is the best kind of meme participation — but also proof that I use humor to mask my lack of any real personality.

(fig. 1a)
Hi, my name is called when others want my attention.

Never in my life have I been able to invent a previously unknown color.

The one person who can drive me nuts is aided by a dossier listing my various insanity triggers, I’d imagine.

High school was the setting of the popular NBC sitcom Saved by the Bell.

When I’m nervous my body is experiencing a psychological and physiological state whose cognitive, somatic, emotional and behavioral components work together to create a sense of apprehension and fear.

The last song I listened to was played at a low volume if it contained swears.

If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor probably someone who I felt would be physically able to participate in the wedding ceremony.

My hair is a vestige of my primitive ancestry.

When I was five not a legal voter.

Last Christmas marked the death of American singer-songwriter Vic Chestnutt.

I should be able to touch my elbows together. And I am.

When I look down I see snakes, if they’re down there, but I’m also opening my front to attacks.

The happiest recent event was complemented by endorphins.

If I were a character on Friends I’d be unlikely to be given as much screen time as the main castmembers.

By this time next year a baby that hasn’t even been conceived yet could be born!

My current gripe is a manifestation of deeper emotional issues, most likely.

I have a hard time understanding Hindi.

There’s this girl I know who began menstruating at puberty.

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be confused as to why I had been assigned a ward until I clarified the miscommunication.

Take my advice when I express it to you through song.

The thing I want to buy is a warehouse full of food, since I’m apparently only being allowed a single purchase.

If you visited the place I was born you’d likely need to obtain a visitor’s pass from hospital staff first.

I plan to visit with neighbors and coworkers in order to earn their friendship and trust.

If you spent the night at my house I would prefer that I knew who you were.

I’d stop my wedding if I spontaneously combusted.

The world could do without the dodo bird, clearly.

I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than lick the bellies of two cockroaches.

The most recent thing I’ve bought myself was done so with a form of currency.

The most recent thing someone else bought me could have actually been stolen, for all I know.

My favorite blonde is freshly shampooed.

My favorite brunette is cut into a kicky summer ’do.

My favorite redhead is a specific red-colored, pigtailed Lego woman’s snap-on head adornment.

My middle name is nice.

In the morning I note the current time with “a.m.” (ante meridiem) instead of “p.m.” (post meridiem).

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are either insects or powered by jetpacks.

Once, at a bar I was required to show my driver’s license upon entry.

Last night I was suntanning poorly.

There’s this guy I know who eats food and drives a car.

If I was an animal I’d be bad at drawing.

A better name for me would be given to me retroactively by my parents.

Tomorrow I am unlikely to be deported.

Tonight I am unlikely to worry about being deported.

My birthday is annual.

(Meme via someone else via someone else in accordance with how memes work.)

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