Officer: So what were you listening to?In the end, I was allowed to proceed without a ticket, since my unblemished record and immaculately clean car made me seem like the kind of guy who only needs a warning to correct his bad behavior. Or maybe he just pitied me. Or maybe I just seemed especially harmless.
Me: I… excuse me?
Officer: When you sped past, you looked like you were listening to your jam. I was wondering what that jam was.
Me: Oh, it was just some dumb song.
Officer: Whose song was it?
Me: It… was a band that calls itself Marina and the Diamonds.
Officer: They sound pretty hardcore.
Me: They’re really not. Just a dumb pop band.
Officer: What was the song called?
Me: “Froot.” It was called “Froot.”
Officer: So if I were to look up Marina and the Diamonds and this song “Froot,” I would be able to listen to whatever you were listening to.
Me: Yes. But it’s not “Fruit.” It’s “Froot.” F-R-O-O-T.
Officer: That’s not how you spell “fruit.”
Me: Yeah, but that’s how she spells it.
Officer: She being Marina?
Me: Yes, sir.
This, by the way, is the song that led me into a criminal lifestyle. It looks like Pac-Man at a gay rave.
Yes, I did learn all the lyrics. No, that will not get me anywhere. But hey — no ticket.
Previous stories which I allege to be funny:
- Losing One’s Shit (Both Meanings)
- These, Tragically, Are the Frequently Asked Questions
- In Which Drew Searches for Frozen Fruit
- The Conversation I Wish I’d Had at the Art Book Fair
- The Death of a Swan
What a story, Drew! Also, I can understand this being your current jam. It's great! Of course, it's Marina and the Diamonds, so of course it's great ;)
ReplyDeleteThis one in particular is grabbing me, however. It sounds like the Goldfrapp that I've been waiting for Goldfrapp to release.
Deleteonly in California...
ReplyDeleteFor the record, however, this was in California's central valley, which might as well be Nebraska.
Delete