Monday, November 7, 2011

Questions Reasonable People Should Have Upon Playing Super Mario Bros. for the First Time

(See title for gist.)


Wait, why do coins give Mario extra lives?

Why am I being rewarded for collecting money but not for killing enemies and collecting points? Shouldn’t the points be the more valuable form of currency?

So he’s saving mushroom people but he’s also eating mushrooms? Isn’t that kind of fucked up?

And there are also evil walking mushrooms?

Is this, like, a drug thing?

Why are turtles evil? Or are they just anti-mushroom?

Why is Mario a stereotype of Italian people?

Why does he lower the flag at the end of each level only to raise a secondary, smaller flag in the castle he runs into?

Why would touching something stupid like an evil walking mushroom or a turtle cause you to get injured or die?

So the bricks just float there in the air?

Why is it the same boss at the end of every world? Does he come back to life every time you kill him?

Wait, how do you fly?

Why is the princess of the mushroom people herself not a mushroom?

Did the dragon thing want to, like, eat the princess? Or marry the princess?

So it’s a kingdom, but the person in charge is a princess?

Where did all the people live before the turtles came? Like, in the castles? They have wooden fences and plentiful trees but everyone lives in brick castles?

Are the “castles levels” at the end of each world where the mushroom people normally lived? Did they design the castles to be full of lava and spinning fireballs and stuff?

For a game where you have to eat mushrooms and ingest other psychedelic objects to get superpowers, isn’t the whole money-as-life metaphor weirdly conservative?

If he can break bricks by punching them, why doesn’t Mario just punch the bad guys?

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