Wishes You Should Avoid Making to a Malevolent Genie

And, of course, they’re all malevolent.

“I think I’d like to lose a lot of weight — and real fast.”

“I’ve always wanted my life to be more exciting.”

“I’d like to stand out more.”

“I just wish I’d never have to worry about anything or suffer ever again. Is there anything you could do about that?”

“In fact, I’d like it that no one in my whole family every has to worry about anything or suffer again.”

“Did I say ‘family’? Because I meant ‘the whole world.’”

“You know what? I can’t think of a thing. Why don’t you just pick something out for me. Blank check. I trust you.”

Previous lists:

• Assertions of my superior taste in music
• Purple Monkey Dishwasher
• The eleven emotional stages of the job application process
• Mnemonic devices for remembering the order of planets (minus Pluto)