Friday, April 9, 2010

Lost: Romantic Couplings That Never Were

Now that the series is winding down — CLOCK REFERENCE! — the show has been focusing less often on what guy Kate currently wants to fall onto. However, given that so much of the previous seasons dwelled on this very subject, I feel we once again be subjected the battle between Kate+Jack, collectively known as Jate, and Kate+Sawyer, collectively known as Skate, though I would prefer Sawkat. Of course, matters were complicated mid-series with the arrival of Juliet. She initially made googoo eyes at Jack, thus creating Jacket (a.k.a. Juliack), but later shacked up with Sawyer, at which point they became Suliet.

But what could have been with all the other characters who didn’t manage to find love amid tropical peril and time-travel paradoxes? Consider, please, what could have been.

Juliet + Ilana = Juliana

Walt + Libby = Wibby

Claire + Frank = Clank

Sun + Miles = Smiles

Daniel + Boone = Daniel Boone

Nikki + Locke = Likki

Sayid + Sawyer = Saysaw

Arzt + Desmond + Eko = Arzt Deko

The Man in Black + Shannon = The Shannon Black

Ana Lucia + Rose = AnalRose

Ana Lucia + Boone = AnalBoone

Ana Lucia + Charlotte = AnalChar

Ana Lucia + Hurley = AnalHurl

Ana Lucia + Miles = AnalMile

Ana Lucia + Locke = AnalLock

Okay, those last six were easy and obvious and essentially reduced this whole post to a set-up for anus jokes, I admit, but it’s at Michelle Rodriguez’s expense so it’s okay.

Naw, just kidding, broham. You my dogg. You the man.

No comments:

Post a Comment