Knott Appropriate for Children

One of several sources of childhood torment: these two pages from some storybook I picked up at Knott’s Berry Farm as a kid. It’s about bears. Berry? Bear? Get it?

When I scanned the book, I didn’t actually read it, so I have no idea where the bears are going or why their party wagon is full of frogs, which aren’t homophonic with anything that goes into pies. But it’s clear that they took a wrong turn into Stormy Mountain and Weird Woods, neither of which are likely Greenland- or Iceland-like misnomers. In any case, those trees once scared the hell out of me to the point that I’d flip past them as quickly as possible.

Maybe that’s why I can’t remember critical parts of the plot.

You’re My Funny Little Frog

A grouping as equally awkward as the one featured in the previous post, though also every bit as aesthetically appealing.

And, yes, as that last image may suggest, we have reached the end of this little weeklong diversion. Regular programming to resume promptly.

A Dog, a Walrus and a Kingfisher Walk Into a Bar

No unifying theme here: just three scans of animal illustrations that I’ve liked since I was a kid.

I can accept that the Kingfisher is wearing a crown, but why on earth would it be depicted as about to skewer a ladybug?

Appropriate Punishment for Saucy Children

And sometimes I don’t have to do anything to make the storybook image seem disturbing or strange because it’s already arrived there.

I think my favorite part is that the child doesn’t look horrified as he’s boiled alive — just a little miffed.

What the Owl Did

See, I can be mature about this. I don’t have to find something smutty to say about every scanned illustration I post. For example, here is an owl.

What a nice owl! I’m not going to make a “hooters” joke. I’m just going to admire this piece of vintage storybook art for what it is. Oh? What’s that? You have another picture of an owl we can use? And he’s doing what?

Oh. Well, that’s a different story then.

A Poem That Is, Unfortunately, About a Diminutive Cat

I don’t care what anyone thinks. This is hilarious.

The title, the lyrics, the accompanying art — literally everything about this poem is a total success in my book. They had to know, right? I mean, yeah, this is from a kids’ book, but they had to know.

The Suggestive Fish

Hello. I’m going to be otherwise occupied for a few days, so the blog will be featuring pre-written posts that themselves feature art from storybooks I enjoyed as a child. I recently scanned some of them because I felt like the art didn’t need to be imprisoned on a shelf. Some it is very good. Some of it is also inadvertently implies sex of one sort or another.

Take, for instance, the positions of these four fish who are sharing a bed.

Inappropriate or not, they at least appear to be enjoying themselves.