Saturday, June 21, 2008

Isle of Forfeit

Trying to sleep in this weather is a joke, and a goddamned sick one at that. I know, I know. Poor Santa Barbara, who gets ideal weather for ten months of the year and then cries like a baby when the temperatures creep past 90 degrees. We’re spoiled, the lot of us, I’ll admit. However, know that my house lacks air conditioning or any effective source of moving air around. Attempting slumber in these conditions is basically a hopeless endeavor and only results in simultaneous reclining and sweating.

The worst part, by far: my realization today that use of my bed during this weather essentially makes whole of it — the sheet, the mattress pad, the pillows — one giant Stridex pad, soaking my endocrinal leavings for however long I touch it.

Nothing more dismal than knowing that your day will end with you climbing into a giant, sticky used Stridex pad.

1 comment:

  1. Ummm... ew.

    Maybe you could just cover your mattress in Kotex, in which case perhaps you should start formulating your explanation to the cashier at Walgreen's why exactly one needs eighteen boxes of feminine hygiene products per week.