Sunday, May 11, 2008

Turtle Rock Ain't Got Nothing on This

I'd heard of it before, but played through the stage many times without ever seeing it. That changed today.

So Mario Kart Wii has bestowed my house with delightful, banana peel-strewn races for the last week now. But this post isn't reviewing the game so much as shedding light on what amounts to a Nintendo version of the Little Mermaid VHS box cover scandal. In addition to offering sixteen new courses to race on, Mario Kart Wii also offers retro stages from five of the series's earlier incarnations, including ones from the Gamecube title Mario Kart: Double Dash!!, which had previously occupied my houses more drunken late-night hours. One of these stages is Peach Beach, the sea-skirting Princess Peach-themed stage.

Only driving through it again, in its slightly altered, Wii-updated form, did I finally see the alleged penis in the rock archway the course runs under.

Here's the only image I could find. It's from Double Dash!!, but the rock basically looks the same in either version.

The fact that the rock is pink doesn't help, of course, but it's hard to deny that that that looks a hell of a lot like a pair of balls on the left with the shaft arching over the sandy raceway into a fairly prominent head on the right side. The above image isn't taken from the best of angles, but it's there. Here's another one I found of Penis Rock, viewed from afar.

And one more, equally bad, but equally showing the famed Penis Rock.

Strange, especially for something that came from a company as decidedly kid-friendly as Nintendo. Of course, all that on-the-surface wholesomeness has to create an opposite and equal reaction, right?


  1. A little bit of a leap for me, the Little Mermaid cover is far more convincing. If that isn't a blatant male appendage in the castle, I don't know what is. It's like a whole golden castle worshiping it....

  2. Like I said, the photos don't really do it justice. Rest assured, it's two spherical orbs on one side, leading into a arching shaft and ending on the other side with a rounded edge. It occurred to me today that it would be best viewed from a bird's eye view, but this is unfortunately Mario Kart, not Mario Plane.

  3. An aerial view option would make too much sense for Mario Kart, I think. Maybe in the next game system innovation.