I use Axe body deodorant unabashedly. I don't care if it's the poor man's cologne — or, more correctly, frat guy stink. I like it and will continue using it until I begin to feel too old to do so. While lost in the hygiene aisle today, however, I noticed a trend among the names of Axe's various scents.
- Orion.
- Voodoo.
- Kilo.
- Tsunami.
- Essence.
- Phoenix.
All vaguely natural-sounding, vaguely spiritual, vaguely elemental, vaguely manly. Makes sense, really, considering that they're marketing to guys who want to smell good without paying much or seeming feminine. (Although I think I'd buy at least one novelty can of the scent called
Fagtastic.) But I have a quibble with
Tsunami. Recent events on the other side of the world lead be to believe that it's not an appropriate name for a scent, especially because I'd imagine the actual scent of a tsunami would be somewhere between sea water and decomposing Indonesian people. And who really wants to smell like that? Thus, please allow me to propose ten possible re-names for the Tsunami scent.
- Squall. Still wet and powerful and exotic seeming, but not as widely associated with dead.
- Lynx. Powerful and quick — and coincidentally the name Axe goes by in England.
- Genesis. Not particularly masculine, but a word a lot of guys would have a positive association with nonetheless.
- Super Nintendo. Like Lynx and Genesis, it's a defunct video game system. Why not?
- Hot Asphalt. About as manly as you could get.
- Peeing on Hot Asphalt. Okay, this is about as manly as you can get.
- Cobalt. Or Quartz. Or Slate. Most rocks have a sturdy, manly sound to them.
- Megaton. For that "kaboom" effect. Now that I mention it, Kaboom wouldn't be too bad either.
- Pickle. Because I like it.
- Boner. Ultimately, this is what every cologne wants to suggest.
They might as well be up front about it. I'm honestly surprised there isn't a cologne named
Boner already. And it wouldn't have to smell like a boner, either. It could smell like anything. The name is just a concept, you see.Thoughts?
That was an awesome post!
ReplyDeleteI gave you a link on my blog
ReplyDeleteAlan Cumming announced on The Daily Show that he is producing a fragrance entitled "Cumming." I think that's about as fagtastic and you're gonna get.
ReplyDelete--morgan (who is not as obsessed with alan cumming as you might think)
don't be embarrassed about it. i like cummnig more than anybody. in fact, i think about cumming almost constantly.
ReplyDeletecobalt sounds deliciously manly. well done.
ReplyDelete