Another Japanese Triumph

It’s no secret that the Japanese are winning the worldwide race to supply everyone with a means to satisfy peculiar desires we didn’t know we had. But I had no idea that Japan was winning by so much that it has developed such specific emoticons:

This, of course, is “Truman Capote terrorized by an ether-induced hallucination.” Or maybe “boiled egg scared of being eaten.” Could be both, really, and though I hadn’t thought of peppering my online conversations with such an emoticon, I can now think of nothing but.

Japan, we’re in your debt once again.

Emoji That I Demand Should Exist

Kissy-faced, Flirtatious Squid

Weeping, Devalued Yen

Turtle Representing Rapidly Aging Populace

Island-Bound Xenophobia (Represented by Raccoon)

Ashamed Deer

The Six-Tailed Fox of Rigid Business Practices

Puppy Cautioning Recipient Against Honor Suicide

Cat Purchasing Soiled Undergarments from Erotic Vending Machine

Sparkling, Whale-Free Ocean

Less Happy-Looking Poo

Because let’s face it: Sometimes you want to make sure that the recipient knows you’re not emoji-ing about coneless chocolate soft serve. You want your poo dollup to be angry.