Friday, April 12, 2013

Totally Better Than Coachella. Totally.

Oh, Coachella.

overcrowded coachella

So maybe you're not going this year, and you're telling yourself and everyone around you that it's totally cool because you're beyond it now and you don't even really do concerts anymore, to say nothing off a three-day music festival populated by stoned youths who were born after DuckTales ended its series run and maybe never played the original Super Mario Bros. until they got to college and starting getting into "vintage culture." Yeah, that sentence stung a little. Play the refined taste card all you want, but I think all of us original Coachella-goers know that that basically any reason we offer for not going doesn't make us seem any younger -- "It's too crowded," "It's not what it used to be," "I don't want to be rocking out alongside kids I used to babysit," "It's not about the music anymore," "I got that out of my system in 2007," "I don't follow music the way I used to," "I'm allergic to looking at white chicks with dreads who are wearing bikinis and Uggs," "Hipster sweat smells worse," "Three days of concerts and then back to work on Monday? I'll be so tired!" and finally "It's not that everyone who goes to Coachella is a douchebag, but there's a high correlation between people stocking up on sunscreen at the Indio Rite-Aid and people I stopped talking to after I graduated college." Okay, that last one is mine. But yeah, same take-away in the end: "We old. We real old."

Anyway, here's my Coachella weekend, which is being spent in Los Angeles:
  • Not waiting in line for alcohol tonight, in case something rather unexpected happens with my apartment's wine supply.
  • Sleeping in a bed.
  • Sleeping in.
  • Probably not sleeping anything off.
  • Visiting coffee shops and bars that I'd normally avoid for fear of douchebags, because Coachella weekend in L.A. is to terrible people the way that the Oscars or Super Bowl Sunday is to traffic. Enjoy the extra elbow room, everyone!
  • Putting on my bathing suit and running around in the sprinklers, but I do this every weekend.
  • High-fiving literally everyone I pass on the street, congratulating each for their apparent good taste.
  • Downloading the music of music played by all the Coachella bands I haven't heard of until this weekend.
  • Listening to said music while sitting down.
  • Being basically okay with throwing away my trash in garbage cans that have not been altered by local up-and-coming artists.
It's totally better than going to Coachella, I swear. Totally.

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