Friday, May 25, 2012

Finally, Definitive Proof That Caligula Is Creepy

Here is a bust of Caligula, history’s greatest superfreak:


A noted incestoid, Caligula puts to shame your modern-day despots in the departments of sexual indecency (he proudly used the Roman nobility as his personal harem), abuse of power (he built a pontoon bridge from Baiae to Peteoli to prove wrong a soothsayer who once told Caligula that the chances that he would become emperor were on par with the chances that he would ride a horse across the Bay of Baiae), and sheer batshit craziness (he demanded that his horse be appointed consul — yes, same horse from the pontoon bridge). Caligula also stands out at the looniest character ever portrayed by Malcolm McDowell in a film, and that’s saying a lot.

However, it’s not Caligula’s legacy of depravity that makes this bust creepy. No, it’s something far less significant.

Do you see it?

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Okay, here it is:


Yes, Caligula, mad though he may have been, was coherent enough to realize that he would look especially fierce with the visage of demonic Cabbage Patch Kid emblazoned on his breastplate.

4 comments:

  1. It's probably the kind of Cabbage Patch Kid that they had to discontinue because they kept eating kids' hair.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please tell me that was actually a thing: hair-eating Cabbage Patch Kids.

      Delete
    2. http://www.sampa.com/killer-toys/5-wtf-were-they-thinking-toys-no-5-the-cabbage-patch-doll/

      Delete
  2. Anonymous3:38 AM

    I am blissfully willing to say that you fools haven't the slightest what the significance of this "cabbage kid"

    ReplyDelete