King Kong Dancing

(Context: Nate is my college roommate and my best friend.)

Hi Nate!

I know you and Ashley have been working on getting the wedding together, and I know you specifically requested that I not make a speech or attempt to influence the creation of the wedding in any way, but I just happened across something that I thought would be good for the ceremony. Don’t you think it would be good if you guys walked down the aisle to this?

I knew you’d like it. Thanks in advance for helping me feel like part of the wedding!

Love,
Drew

Drew,

I only listened to 30 seconds of this before I closed the window. What is wrong with you?

Nate

Hi Nate!

I think what you should maybe do is listen to the whole song before you make a judgment about it. I know it’s kind of weird at the beginning when the narrator says “New York City, eight-o’-clock news,” because you probably won’t get married in New York, but I think if you ride it out for the full seven and a half minutes, you’ll see it's actually the best song to walk down the aisle to — well, dance down the aisle to, but you probably figured that out.

Here it is again!

Do you need to borrow my gorilla suit?

Thanks again for letting me help. I really feel like this is my day, too.

Love,
Drew

Drew,

Why the hell do you think it would take us seven and a half minutes to walk down the aisle? Also, why is the song that long? Also, what is this? Was this a tie-in for the remake of King Kong? It’s terrible. You like terrible things.

Nate

Hi Nate!

Well, I guess I figured it would take a while for, like, your parents and grandparents to dance down the aisle. And no, it’s not associated with the Jessica Lange movie, I don’t think. This seems to have come out about a decade later, but I think the fact that it's more of a free-standing work should make you feel more able to use it in the wedding and make it your own, you know?

It's probably worth it to listen to it again, so here you go!

Glad you’ve come around!

Love,
Drew

Drew,

Please stop. We’re very busy, and I'm only taking time to write to you now because I want to make sure you know that the King Kong song will not be part of our ceremony.

You will be seated in the back.

Please don't do anything weird.

That songs sucks. Again, just please stop.

Nate

Hi Nate!

I think you're maybe overlooking how the song would be good because it can help raise awareness about Africa?

Mull it over.

See, now you have to use it because you feel bad.

Can I get a plus-two for the reception?

Love,
Drew

Drew,

Well, now you've done it. You’re not getting an invitation. We’re not even telling you where the ceremony is. Now you’ll never know whether we use your song or not.

You brought this on yourself.

Nate

(Context: Jill is my college roommate and my second-best friend.)

Hi Jill!

I know you said you were having a small wedding, but I think I just found a reason for you to invite everyone you know. I'm just going to leave this hear and float the question of how you envisioned yourself walking down the aisle. However awesome it was in your head, prepare to be blown away.

You're welcome!

Love,
Drew