Friday, January 9, 2009

Ronald McDonald, as Designed by Stephen King

Something that terrified me as a child: the notion that Ronald McDonald himself was hiding in the bushes, waiting to wave terrifyingly at me at the drive-thru.

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I was buying coffee, I swear.


  1. Dammit, Drew. Stop reminding me of Stephen King's It just before I go to bed.

  2. That made me lol really loudly. Your assumption is justifiable, as one of the original Ronald was an alleged child molester.

  3. I had a recurring dream as a kid that Grimace wanted to eat me. McDonald's characters must be the stuff of nightmares.

  4. Rustie: Well, I did post at 3:37 p.m. I forget sometimes that my entire readership isn't constantly clicking refresh, reading each post the moment it appears on my blog.

    Jenn: Wait, wasn't Willard Scott the original Ronald McDonald? Certainly such allegations would have been proved true or false by now, right?

    Nathan: Grimace is indeed nightmare-worthy, if perhaps for no reason other than that he's the only resident of McDonaldland that I know of that it is not clearly associated with some McDonald's food product. It's a subject I've written about before on this blog.

  5. I don't think it was dear old nutty Willard, but someone told me that one of the original ones was a child molester, but they kept it quiet. My source isn't that reliable, and I can't find anything to back it up. When asked for further confirmation, the person I asked said "I did say that it may not be true." So there's that. But I'm pretty sure ONE of the Ronalds had to have been one. I mean, a fast food wielding clown? That's more appealing than candy and a puppy.