Tuesday, December 16, 2008

That's No Nosegay — That's a Nose Pride Parade

For the purposes of protecting a certain little lady’s privacy, her name has been changed in the following conversation to Noodles Van Der Klammen. I’d rather not explain why I chose this name, but I suspect she may know. So you know, you’re being dropped midway into our discussion on the strangeness of learning about the dissolution our various friends’ long-term relationships via Facebook status updates.
Noodles: i noticed this too. but i don't know the story. p.s., i think that facebook telling the world you broke up is the most hateful thing
me: i guess. but you'll have to do it at some point if you've declared your relationship status. unless your significant other dies, in which case changing your status to single would be even more awful.
Noodles: well, chins up, hector and i are quite happy in our first almost 2 weeks of living together. knock on everything. and leah from UCSB and her long, long term bf just got engaged
me: who is leah?
Noodles: she lived on my hall freshman year.
me: noodles, i don't even KNOW this girl. i'm sorry. i just can't be happy for her.
Noodles: you can be happy for me then. and yourself. i'm sure you'd recognize leah though. you are probably even in pictures together
me: noodles, stop insisting that this clearly forgettable woman would have ever registered on my radar. she was probably wearing a mouse-brown coat to match her mouse-brown hair and cowering in the corner every time i met her. also, her glasses were big and also brown.
Noodles: no way man. one time she dressed up in lauren's weirdo clothes with hilly, which was hilarious. one time we also used elmer's glue to give ourselves hair horns. photos available on request.
me: noodles, I think i remember college and that never happened.
Noodles: she's totally asian. now do you remember? but like tan asian
me: you're thinking of sheila. noodles, i remember every party that happened while we were at college and she never went to any of them. therefore, she did not exist. also, i was the most popular person at every party. also, people thrust presents at me constantly when i walked down the street. also, i had a crown that i wore
Noodles: sounds like you were too busy partying with yourself to notice the really fun girls with glue in their hair
me: also, you did not got to parties because your religion forbade it and you were busy with your lanyard design classes course anyway
Noodles: well, you know once you get up to 12 strands you have to give up everything else in your life. for your craft.
me: as you told me literally every time i saw you. it was pretty awkward. sometimes i felt bad and would give you some of the many presents strangers would give me, and that made me feel better, at least
Noodles: you weren't complaining when you got your lanyard jump rope though, were you? 18 months it took me. but it was worth it. i'm sure you agree
me: i was just happy to take it off your hands so you didn't hang yourself with it. which is what everybody thought you would do
Noodles: “we call it the noodles macrame”
me: and we come full circle
Noodles: just remembered that

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