Friday, September 26, 2014

Twelve Alternatives to Murder, She Wrote

Murder, She Scrawled 

Murder, She Sighed 

Murder, She Slurred 

Murder, She Weaved 

Murder, She Painted 

Murder, She Guessed 

Murder, She Ignored 

Murder, She Fantasized 

Murder, She Requested 

Murder, She Committed 

Murder, She Gloated 

Murder, She Blamed on Someone Else in Cabot Cove, and Holy Shit, Have You Ever Thought Maybe Jessica Fletcher Is a Serial Killer and She’s Pinning All These Murders on Innocent Townspeople?

Fletcher-faces via here, here and here.


  1. Anonymous11:06 AM

    We can't say that now a days, the safety of the people because a lot of crimes happening in different place. Killing people is against the law of God and people. I want to share this to guys an Mobile App that can help from any crime. Just pressing the Panic Button the agent will escalate you directly to 911. For more information about the Application you can visit there website.!/page_home

    1. You are not a strong reader, I take it.

  2. Jessica Fletcher is undoubtedly a serial killer. Similarly (as I've mentioned over on my own blog), Hercule Poirot is the greatest villain of Agatha Christie's world (and hence ours, what with the way that fiction interpenetrates). Poirot is inseparable from murder, just as the goddess of the hunt, Diana, is one with the stag. A murder need not have already occurred — Poirot is there, his very presence guaranteeing death. His investigations have nothing to do with serving justice. Let's take an example at random: Death on the Nile. One single, purposeful murder unnecessarily multiplies into five deaths, wholly due to Poirot's egomaniacal investigation. It's inconceivable that five deaths with Poirot's bloody "case closed" stamp are preferable to an unsolved mystery with a single victim. When Poirot finally gathers his (surviving) suspects to endure an interminable blathering of self-congratulation, he never addresses the elephant in the room — the fact that the world would be an infinitely safer place if he were to leave well enough alone. P.S. Poirot is obsessed with motives, as if anyone with a motive possesses, by definition, a criminal mind and the capacity for murder. His presumption that everyone on earth is capable of cold-blooded killing says far more about Poirot's own rotten soul than it does about the rest of humanity.