Monday, July 14, 2014

The Lawnmower Man

[Drew dials his phone.]

Guy who answers phone: Hello?

Drew: Hi. I just moved, and the person who lived here before gave me your number and said I should ask you to come mow my lawn.

Guy: Wait, what?

Drew: Okay, so I just moved into a new house. And the previous tenant left me your phone number and told me that I should call you if I want to get the front lawn mowed.

Guy: Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess I could do that.

Drew: Great. When can you come over?

Guy: I dunno. Today is pretty open. Do you want me to mow your lawn today?

Drew: Yes, please. That would be perfect.

Guy: Do you, like, have a lawnmower there?

Drew: No. Um, no, I assumed you would come with one.

Guy: Oh, I guess that makes sense. I think my dad has a lawnmower. If I can drive to Downey this morning, I could maybe come by in early afternoon. Are you in L.A.?

Drew: I am. But I’m wondering why you don’t have a mower already?

Guy: Hey, how much are you going to pay me?

Drew: Oh, I thought you would tell me what you charge — like, per month.

Guy: Oh, so this isn’t, like, a one-time thing.

Drew: No, it would be, like, twice a month, I guess. Like, regular lawn-mowing.

Guy: Dude! That’s awesome. But yeah, I’d guess I’d say… fifty dollars?

Drew: I was thinking more like twenty-five dollars.

Guy: That’s cool. That’s cool. Could you maybe pay me for the whole month today?

Drew: I… Hey, I’m sorry, but are you, like, a gardener? Like, is that your job?

Guy: I have worked outside a lot.

Drew: But you’re not a gardener.

Guy: No.

Drew: This is not Carlos?

Guy: I don’t know Carlos.

Drew: Okay, I’m sorry. I think I dialed a wrong number.

Guy: Do you still want me to come mow your lawn?

Drew: ... No.

Guy: Oh. Man. All right. Man.

Drew: Yeah, I’m sorry.

[Drew hangs up his phone.]

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