The Best Worst Names in Superhero Comics

Superheroes and supervillains can literally be named anything — for better and for worse. Bands can also be named anything, I realize, and this has done nothing to prevent terrible band names, so I suppose it follows then that more than a few characters on comic book pages have been dealt some clunkers, name-wise.

Ahem.

I list these not to mock them. After all, I love crappy superhero names. Instead, I make this list just to give us a moment to ponder the fact that someone had an idea and everyone else down the line just nodded and said, “Sure, that seems good enough. I can’t think of anything better.” Some of these are outright lame. Some transcend clunkiness to become kind of backwardsly awesome. Some are intentionally dumb. Some intend to be funny but fall short. These are just the ones I thought deserved a shout-out. And yes, they’re all real.

• Absorbing Man (who is only outdone by Absorbency Boy, who had the good sense to become Earth Man)
• Administrator
• Adrenazon
• Agua Sin Gaaz (which is better than “Flat Water,” I suppose)
• Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man
• Anita Soulfeeda (even if it was a fake name being used by Enchantress)
• Annihilus
• Arm-Fall-Off Boy
• The Asbestos Lady
• Asgardian (a gay member of Young Avengers who eventually changed his name to Wiccan when he realized why Asgardian was awkward)
• Bazooka Joan
• Bernadeth (though all the Female Furies are kind of awesome)
• Bi-Beast
• Bianca Steeplechase (one of several Batman women with crazy soap opera names)
• Big Breeda
• Bizarnage
• Blonde Phantom
• Blooey Blue
• Borb Borbb
• Brother Nature
• Calorie Queen
• Catholic Girl
• Ch’od
• Crazy Quilt
• Crimson Daffodil (who later became The Wombat, which was probably a step up)
• Dinah Soar
• Ding Dong Daddy
• Dogwelder
• Dr. Glitternight
• Dr. No-Face
• Egg Fu (a Chinese villain who resembles an egg)
• Envelope Girl
• Flemgem (whose power is exactly what you’d think it is)
• Fontanelle
• Gas Girl
• Gay Ghost (who declined to be rescued from limbo because the meaning of “gay” had changed)
• Ghetto-Blaster
• Hate Face
• Hindsight Lad
• Human Flying Fish
• Human Top
• Hypno-Hustler
• Infant Terrible (which is actually his real name)
• Infectious Lass
• Inertia
• Kite-Man
• Lagoon Boy
• Left-Winger
• Lesla-Lar (probably the clumsiest-sounding of the many double-“L” names in the extended Superman universe)
• The Liberteens
• The Living Mummy
• Little Sure Shot (who sounds like a camera and who is so much more awkward when you realize he’s a Native American character)
• Loophole
• Lorloxx the Layer
• Louie the Lilac (who technically never appeared in comics but still)
• The “Made of Wood” Killer
• Man-Thing
• Mandroid
• Mathemanic
• Matter-Eater Lad (because who doesn’t eat matter?)
• Microwavebelle
• Mindgrabber Kid
• Mod Gorilla Boss
• Oonagh Mullarkey 
• Night-Lik
• The Pearly King of Crime
• Phantom Reporter
• Prince Evillo
• Princess Projectra
• Professor Snakelocks 
• Purple Man (real name: Zebediah Killgrave)
• Rainbow Raider (real name: Roy G. Bivolo)
• Razorburn
• Rice O’Rooney (the San Francisco Threat — and really, a lot of Plastic Man foes are pretty awesome, from Big Beaver to Cheeseface to Closets Kennedy to Meat By-Product)
• Satannish
• Scoopshovel
• Silent Majority
• Silk Fever
• Spider Jerusalem
• Starfinger
• Streaky the Supercat
• Super-Adaptoid
• The Terrible Time Tailor
• Texas Twister (because I can’t not imagine that being a sexual position)
• Thor Girl (whose alternate names apparently include Asgard Lass, Hammerette, Hammer Girl, Hammer Lass, Thoreta, Thorita, Thor Lass)
• Tim Boo Ba
• Tyger Tiger
• Voice-Over
• Wam-Wam
• Wandjina the Thunderer (and yeah, I know that he’s named after an Aborginal deity)
• Whirlicane
• Whizzer
• The Yellow Peri
• Zha-Vam

Of course, I’m curious to know who I’ve left off and why I’m an asshole for dinging one or another character that you love and cherish.

“Sure, that seems good enough. I can’t think of anything better.”