Where Monsters Grow in Garbage Cans

It’s Friday, and you may need a release from the grind of work. It’s for this reason that I present you with Dorine Hollier’s 1984 performance on Superclassificia Show, which I’m unsure how to explain. Please just watch. You will not be bored.

Some notes:

• Dorine’s stage laugh makes me think she’s never heard any human laugh ever.
• Her dancing : other people’s dancing :: Italian conversational gestures : how non-Italians gesture in conversation
• Dorine occasionally bears a passing resemblance to Tracy Morgan. Look for those moments.
• You can’t say she’s not giving it her all.
• She’s also a good dancer. It’s just that the song requires her to dance like a crazy person.
• If she reminds you of Cha Cha DiGregorio from Grease, you’re in good company. In the red universe, this is the career that Cha Cha found after high school.
• I wish I could shake off a cardigan the way Dorine takes off that jacket.
• This is how everyone should dance. I may yet.

And here are the lyrics, as best as I can figure them:

You see me walking with my man
You go your way
We go ours
[psychotic laughter]
That’s a way to talk!
[psychotic laughter]
Don’t laugh!
I’ll bet you want
You never dare
Capture the girl
That walks on air
You’re such a nut
You make me scream
Let’s all go strut
’Til like a dream
The situation’s out of hand
That’s good! Mmm — divine!
In this confusion I connect
I correct!

[chorus:
Tonight! Crazy night!
Oh boy, what a sight!
What a way to love!
Tonight! Crazy night!
Oh boy, we’ll be tight
What a way to love!]

We’ll walk along
In weirdo land
Where monsters grow
In garbage cans
Seems like the moon
Has grown a nose
Dance like a loon
A million shows!
Imagination never ends
My mind understands
In exploration of my brain
I correct!

[chorus twice]

[bizarre spoken section:
Situation’s out of hand — that’s good!
And this situation I connect
Now there’s a law across the land that says there will be no law
Well, the funny moon at the end of the nose]

[psychotic laughter]
Don’t laugh!
I’ll bet you want
You never dare
Capture the girl
That walks on air
You’re such a nut
You make me scream
Let’s all go strut
’Til like a dream
The situation’s out of hand
That’s good! Mmm — divine!
In this confusion I connect
I correct!

[chorus]

Italo disco, previously:

• The Android Siters, “The Robots Are Coming”
• Daydream, “Crazy”
• “Happy Song,” Baby’s Gang With Boney M
• Vanessa, “Upside-Down”
• Clio, “Eyes”
• The Portlandia theme song / Gary Low’s “I Want You”