Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Terror of the Bird Clock

It’s not that I intended to blog about something as mundane as clocks twice in one month or even that I wanted to write more than one post about haunted clocks in particular. Yet here I am, writing about the possessed timepiece that rules over my office.

You see, my office has a bird clock — a chronometric equivalent of Big Mouth Billy Bass that every hour, on the hour, lets out with a birdcall. (It’s a relic, I think, from some previous incarnation of the office in which employees liked birds.) Most hours in the day, I can deal with it just fine. However, the two-o’-clock bird — allegedly a black-capped chickadee — needs the intervention of priests and rabbis and imams to drive out the evil spirit that has caused it to make an awful, ungodly noise. If I had to guess what sort of demonic infestation we were dealing with, I’d say it was probably the same sort of presence that occupies those automated Halloween dishes that scare trick-or-treaters when they attempt to take candy. Because that’s exactly what this sounds like.

Using a cutting-edge, ectoplasm-ready iPhone app, I made the following video of the demon unleashing its evil upon the office:

Right? It’s totally an evil candy dish demon. Please, I need your prayers and positive energies, for every day I’m just counting down the hours until dreaded strike of two.

An aside: Why aren’t nuns sent to drive out demons? Nuns are far scarier and far better as forcing others to do their bidding.

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