Thursday, March 22, 2012

Definitive Proof That Zooey Deschanel Is a Time Traveler

Okay, guys, I know I’ve given my little rant before about how I think that Zooey Deschanel is evil and using her superhuman charm powers to hypnotize the entire world. I’ve also brought up the fact that I think she’s a clone and that her various doppelgangers have infiltrated Hollywood with varying levels of success. Tonight, I give you the most striking evidence yet that she is an entity to be feared: She’s been hatching her plan for at least 80 years.

Please watch, if you will, this clip of a 1930s-era Zooey (and two clones) performing the song “Heebie Jeebies,” looking and singing more or less exactly as Zooey does today.


Chilling. Incontrovertible. Melodic. Catchy. Thick-haired. Other adjectives.

You think about this. You think long and hard about what Zooey Deschanel is capable of.

4 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:29 PM

    Do you think the Death Cab guy left her because he learned a truth that was too horrible for words?

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    1. Were that the case, he would probably not be alive today. Though now that you mention it, who has seen Ben Gibbard lately, anyway?

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  2. Evil time traveler named Zoey, you say?

    http://quantumleap.wikia.com/wiki/The_Evil_Leapers

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    Replies
    1. Good god. She's been teasing us with her true mission since the time Scott Bakula was famous.

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