Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Various Nostalgic Pop Culture Icons My Dog Looks Like

Yes, I finally got a dog. I’d apologize for not saying so sooner, but in the best possible way, he’s why I haven’t had much free time the past two months.

His name is Thurman. He is a rescue. He is five years old. I’d had reservations about the problems a rescue dog might bring with him, but Thurman has proven himself to be a fully-formed little gentleman — well-mannered and socialized to the point that as soon as he got here, it seemed like he’d always been here. And while he’s taken up my time with walks and all the other things dogs require, he doesn’t seem like a burden; making him happy seems like the best possible use of my time. I suppose this is what parenthood feels like, only without the crippling fear that this cared-for thing will one day go to college and learn to resent me.

This is how Thurman looks, in general.

This is Thurman again.

Here is Thurman looking like a supermodel.

And here is me and Thurman looking his most Muppet-y.

It’s on that last note, “Muppet-y,” that I get to the subject of the post: If I am to believe what the general public tells me, Thurman resembles all manner of characters from the collected pop-cultural memory of ’80s babies. Here, then, is an up-to-date list on every fantastic animal character people have claimed he looks like.

Master Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Not the Splinter from the cartoons but specifically the Jim Henson-produced puppet used in the 1990 live-action movie. I kind of get it. The hair and the beard are in the ballpark, but I’d like to think that Thurman carries himself with a certain noble nature that a rodent couldn’t manage — sensei or not.

Falcor from Neverending Story

I don’t get this one, really. Falcor looks like a dog, sure, but lots of real-life things look more like Falcor than does this particular dog — this one and this one in particular. Sure, I’ve compared him to Falcor myself, but that's more just because I like to hold him like a giant baby and pretend he is flying.

Gmork from Neverending Story

I think what people are referring to when they tell me Thurman looks like Falcor is actually Gmork, the evil, snub-nosed wolf that works for the Nothing in The Neverending Story. Thurman also has a little piggy nose himself. It’s technically a cleft nose — like a cleft palate but just specifically with his nose. No, it doesn’t seem to bother him any, but it does seem to prompt a lot of people to ask what happened to him. I think I’m going to start responding with “He got in a fight with the last person who asked an invasive question.”

Gizmo from Gremlins

It’s the hair. And the ears.

Sir Didymus from Labyrinth

Again, it’s the hair but specifically the beard, notwithstanding the fact that Sir Didymus actually rides a dog. This is more or less how I’d imagine Thurman might talk, since I like to think he is a wizard who was trapped in a dog body and just got used to it. Also, it should be noted that I wish I could make Thurman wear a hat like the one Didymus wears.

Snarf from Thundercats

I consider this comparison offensive and do not wish to comment on it further.

Conclusions? A lot of supporting characters from childhood movies and TV shows had amusingly shaggy hair. My dog will never know about any of them, though he seems to be happy to have complete strangers address him on the street.

By the way, I got Thurman through A Purposeful Rescue, an L.A.-based group that I fully recommend if you’re in the market for your own Thurman. And okay, fine, here is one more photo of my dog.

Should you want to see more photos of Thurman, I made him his own Instagram account, less to be obnoxious and more to prevent myself from spamming my dog-agnostic friends with a ceaseless stream of every cute fucking thing he does.

No comments:

Post a Comment