Saturday, April 11, 2015

Upon Having Relatives Visit L.A. for the First Time

No, we shouldn’t eat at The Ivy.

No, I don’t have reason to come to Rodeo Drive ever.

No, I don’t know where Kim Kardashian is.

No, downtown Los Angeles is actually in a completely different part of town.

No, I can’t direct you to where all the celebrities hang out.

No, it’s not just one place.

No, they probably wouldn’t let me in if there were such a place.

No, the traffic isn’t that problematic for me.

No, I can’t just pop over in ten minutes, however.

No, I can’t direct you to somewhere nice that’s along the Walk of Fame.

No, I can’t tell you where Jennifer Aniston's star is.

No, you can’t sit in the Hollywood Sign letters.

No, you just saw that in a movie.

No, I haven’t seen Friends With Benefits. I just saw the trailer.

No, the neighborhood I live in probably hasn’t been featured in movies or TV shows you’d be familiar with.

No, I guess you wouldn’t have heard of the famous people I do see in and around LA.

No, I’ve never bought a star map.

No, I’ve never even thought about it.

No, Venice is not accessible by car from my side of L.A.

No, really — driving to Venice is actually forbidden by law here. The penalty is having to spend time in Venice.

Yes, I actually have gone to Lisa Vanderpump’s restaurant once, but I didn't really have a choice about it.

Yes, I actually do love living in Los Angeles.

Yes, in spite of all that.

Yes, actually, I'm glad you came, because this really helped define what about this city matters to me most.

No, that probably just looks like Kristen Bell. There's a lot of women around here who — oh, shit, that is Kristen Bell. Well, there you go.

(an un-famous view of los angeles)

Los Angeles, previously:

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