Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Yogurt of Last Resort

My friend posted on Facebook a photo of an Activia flavor that I’d wager most people don’t know about: Activia Prune.

via twyla johnson
It’s such a loaded product — no pun intended — and I can’t decide what eating Activia Prune in public says about you as a person. Some options:
  • “Why yes, in fact, I am staying in tonight and maybe the whole weekend.”
  • “I done ate something bad, and I want it out of my body yesterday.”
  • “I have damaged my digestive system irreparably, and I’m eating this in the breakroom where everyone can see me because I really want you to ask what I did. Go on. I dare you.”
  • “The guy in the apartment next door knows a lot about my intimate life.”
  • “I’m a busy person. I don’t fuck around.”
  • “I live on the edge.”
  • “I don’t understand how prunes work.”
  • “I lack shame.”
  • “Essentially I’m donating my body to science.”
  • “Can’t talk not, because I need to go catch a cross-state bus, and also I like being the center of attention and also I create stories wherever I go.”
  • “You know how some people can only take maximum strength-level painkillers? Well, I’m the that of this.”
  • “Goodbye, internal organs!”
And it’s all especially curious when you consider that the colon-exploding ramifications of prune-flavored poop yogurt would be muted if they had just said it was plum-flavored. But perhaps the Activia marketing team just knows their audience.

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