The Strange Case of Lunchlady Doris

Anyone who has watched The Simpsons with any interest has likely noticed that Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz no longer appear, not as speaking characters or even silent background extras. The show’s higher-ups retired both characters after their voice actor, Phil Hartman, was murdered by his wife in 1998. McClure and Hutz aren’t the only Simpsons characters to have their associated actor pass away, however. In 1995, longtime script supervisor and occasional voice actress Doris Grau died of respiratory failure, effectively ending the run of two cartoon characters to which she lent her trademark emphysemic voice, Doris the Hairdresser on The Critic and Lunchlady Doris on The Simpsons. Granted, it’s not as tragic an ending for Grau, whose death came as a result of the cigarettes that gave her the voice that made her famous, but it is nonetheless strange to me that The Simpsons initially retired and then ultimately brought back Lunchlady Doris despite the death of the person most strongly associated with the character.

more testicles mean more iron!

Grau’s voice is heard for the last time in the 1997 Simpsons episode “Lisa’s Sax.” Then her on-screen counterpart appears as an unvoiced background character until 2006, when Lunchlady Doris speaks again in the episode “The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer” but voiced by Tress MacNeille, the cartoon superstar who also voices Agnes Skinner, Cookie Kwan, Lindsay Naegle, Brandine Spuckler, the Crazy Cat Lady, Mom on Futurama, Gadget from Chip ‘n’ Dale’s Rescue Rangers, Dot Warner on Animaniacs, Babs on Tiny Toons and ten-thousand other lady cartoon roles from your childhood. Amazing though MacNeille may be, it seems strange and comparatively insulting to Grau’s memory to have revived Lunchlady Doris — a character who is arguably more closely associated with the original voice actor’s real-life persona than McClure or Hutz are with Phil Hartman — and allow her to be voiced by someone else. But The Simpsons did it nonetheless. And when I watch the reruns, every appearance by Lunchlady Doris (whose full name appears to be Doris Freedman) or a Lunchlady Doris-sounding character only reminds me that the real, original Doris died long ago. Which is awkward. And not so funny.

So maybe retire the Lunchlady Doris character, Simpsons showrunners? Or at least stop making Tress MacNeille voice Lunchlady Doris and Lunchlady Doris-like characters?

The Coolest Puppet in Sockville

I have purchased the first ten seasons of The Simpsons currently available on DVD. However, I’ve no intention of buying any more, because, to be honest, the show took a nose dive around the time I was midway through high school and, coincidentally, had better things to do on Sunday night. I can actually pinpoint the episode that convinced me that the show had nosedived into the pits of suckitude: “Saddlesore Galactica,” an infuriatingly stupid episode in which Bart befriends a diving horse named Duncan and Homer is pursued by singing jockeys who, we learn, are actually members of a villainous elf-like race living beneath the surface of the earth. Ugh.

It’s strange, then, that I’d actually recommend an episode that ran a week from last Sunday, “Apocalypse Cow,” in which Bart befriends a cow whom he must save from the slaughterhouse. Superficially similar plot, overall higher quality episode. It’s actually pretty funny, not overly silly, and well-written — three descriptors I never thought I’d apply to a latter-day Simpsons episode.

Through the magic of Hulu, I can prevent “Apocalypse Cow” in full and in full accordance with the law below. I know many Back of the Cereal Box readers don’t usually spend half an hour here, but if you find you have some down time, you might not regret it.

Some highlights:

• The couch gag, which runs for about a whole minute and references the Bayeux Tapestry, of all things. If you’re in a bind for time, just watch this.
• A cartoon called the Trans-Clown-o-Morphs. (“And their human friend is you!”)
• “Don’t you worry about Wikipedia. We’ll change it when we get home! We’ll change a lot of things!”
• Two words (by which I mean one letter and one number): 4-H, an entity that apparently still exists and which, if you didn’t go to high school with me, you might not have had to encounter.
• How the West Was Won, referenced musically
• Special guest star Zooey Deschanel, as if I hadn’t heard her voice enough lately
• “Fringe vests for gay cowboys”
• Two separate, explicit reference to Tress MacNeille, who perhaps doesn’t get enough credit for making noises
• Dr. Hippie’s Fungus Yums
• Windsong, Compost, Solar Panel, Lisa’s Brother
• The weirdly public service announcement messages from Tylenol
• A callback to Lisa’s jug song in “Homer the Vigilante”
• Diabetty
• “We name all our kids after what we thinks gonna happen to them. Ain’t that right, Stabbed in Jail?”
• “Mama, you know I love you’re Somethin’ Stew.”
• The Laughter House
• And a callback to “Don’t have a cow, man” — a phrase I’d rather forget but which was touched on rather poignantly.

Really, more worth it than you’d expect.