Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Twelve Alternatives to Heidi Klum

Because sometimes you wish there were someone else to host that awkward part of Project Runway where Heidi walks out onstage and basically says “Hi. Here’s what happened last night. I’m going to tease your challenge but tell you absolutely nothing helpful about it, aside from the fact that Tim will explain it shortly. Which you already knew. Because you’ve seen every episode of this show.” Because let’s be honest — how talented do you need to be to do that?

I would like to imagine that there are some inferior Klumbots waiting in the wings.

Mighty Boom
(the showy one)

Fighty Doom
(the pungacious one)

Whitey Gloom
(the racist one)

Bitey Spume
(the rabid one)

Tidy Womb
(the child-free one)

Spidey Tomb
(the goth one)

Backsidey Plume
(the sexually adventurous one)

Bridey Groom
(the traditional one)

Yuletidey Bloom
(the festive one)

Refriedy Legume
(the south-of-the-border one)

Idly Zoom
(the stunt driver one)

Collidey Vroom
(the less-skilled stunt driver one)

Yes, this is what happens when you back-to-back Comedy Bang! Bang! with Project Runway.


  1. So would you say that "Heidi" and "highty" are homophonous?

    1. I pronounce them identically, and I think most English-speakers would, but I suppose there may be one or two people our there who hit the "t" hard enough to make them rhymes.

  2. In RP they are different (the first has /d/ and the second has /t/), and in my English (Canadian) there's allophonic variation in the vowels. It's very slight, but I wouldn't be quick to think of "mighty" as rhyming with "Heidi". I find it interesting that they are identical for you Americans.

    1. Well, they're identical to me. If I think about it, there's a slight difference, but I think that's because I'm consciously the difference between the voiced and unvoiced versions of the sound. Were I just gabbling on, not paying attention to the sounds, I'm sure the difference would be imperceptible.