Things I Didn’t Get Around to Blogging About

Sorry guys. It’s been a rough few months. This is as far as I can take the following stray thoughts. It may be as far as they ought to be taken.

• The default “Caucasian” skin for both Legos and The Simpsons is the exact same shade of yellow. (meaningful?)
• The weirdly high number of redheaded women on The Office
• Unless I’m mistaken, you are not legally obligated to give your food truck a pun name. Also, most of the good puns are used up by now.
• Good name for a spring break-centered horror movie: Muerto Rico
• Who the hell let whodunit become a word?
• Perfect Strangers reconceived as a Skinemax porn (you would not have to change the title)
• Rhoda Morgenstern was the first Jewish person I ever encountered, and I’ve compared every Jewish person I met to her. (Is that anti-Semitic?)
• Good name for a linguistically savvy drag queen = Rosetta Stone
• Good name for a Golden Girls-inspired drag queen = Veranda Lanai.
• It’s inconceivable but somewhere, somehow, a person in the world is scrolling through their iPhone and saying, “You know, I really feel like listening to a Black Eyed Peas song. I feel I have not heard them enough in my life so far.”
• Squatters’ rights = finders, keepers? Or squatter’s rights > finders, keepers
• Horses poop while walking. Impressive? Efficient? Rude? All of these?
• Behind the Candelabra is a stupid title because it’s super easy to see behind a candelabra. You just look at them. They’re spindly. You don’t need, like, special access to get around them. Only the smallest of humans can hide behind a candelabra. (Maybe missed the time window on this one?)
• Word that is not used enough despite obvious comedic potential: assayer
• Bumper sticker that every public media fundraiser should have = “MAJOR DONORS give me MAJOR BONERS”
• Samantha Mathis (who is this person?)
• Why does English have the term o-ring?
• Why does autocorrect know the word cockrocket? Whom have I been texting that to?

You know how you can collect a bunch of soap shards and mash them into a ball and then you’re like “Oh, hey, new soap”? That’s kind of what I was hoping I’d do here and magically make content.

Yeah, sorry.