Cyril Ponds

This is a round-up of odd search terms that have recently been leading people to my blog  — an overdue update in a long-neglected series.

Before I get into it, a brief note: I can no longer post links to Google search results, as I used to back in the day. Google Analytics does not offer that service, and I fear that Google results have become more personalized than universal. Thus, if you want to find out how these search results ended up leading to my blog, you have to do the fingerwork yourself. But good luck.

Search results after the jump. But first, gaze upon these noble dogs.

Via.

Now, the hilarity of the internet, in that it is not only funny that a human actually searched for these things but also that they did so and ended up here.

• bow and arrow for kids
• creepy wave
• cyclone ranger

Which may or may not be an actual lyric in an 80s song.

• dodge la femme

Which is not a command but a failed marketing ploy.

• domestic yak hide
• female cereal characters

Of which there are none, basically.

• handsome fighters never lose battles
• juliette lewis headless
• muriel puce
• names that sound like other things
• sexy lounging poses
• spectacled tyrant
• "box porn"
• slutbots
• a movie where a women like medusa gets killed at the end by an axe
• about the guy whom language professors hate

Which led here and which, I must say, was more eloquently stated than most search terms.

• activia lady angry
• alice lon shows too much leg

Which she did, allegedly.

• aloysius minch
• america's funniest videos penis pepper

Which I cannot explain but which sounds awful.

• anatomically correct raccoon mario

Which I brought on by posting this, but still — ew.

• animal and pineapple
• animated and glitter pics of rain
• annoy vietnam

Which led to a bad pun but please, leave Vietnam alone.

• anus of hocker

Which seems like a typo but maybe is not.

• arm pit of orion

Which is actually a Beetlejuice reference.

• artificial serena 16
• birdo sweater order
• blizzard spell in japanese
• blonde bitch on svu
• bonkers fanfiction
• boy riding toy horse silhouette
• burned to death halloween costume
• cereal box name for emily dickinson
• chaka khan's parents
• cheeky anteater
• chuck klosterman saved by the bell

Which actually goes to one of the most popular posts on this blog, which concerns the Tori paradox

• controversial essay topics for "moonrise kingdom"

Which I actually provide, free of charge.

• cosa avete fatto a solange

Which translates as “What have you done to Solange?”

• courage hangy ball
• cyan diaper
• django female tracker
• do girls like square jaws
• drawbridge gears
• fat kids in strollers
• fido and mewmew
• folding coffee table oval handles

Which pertains to a mystery that Encyclopedia Drew actually solved.

• funny and big wallpapers for a math school
• furry care bear sex peepee
• homework in unpleasant surroundings
• how did pinoko get sho many fartsh?!

Which is something I actually posted and therefore brought on myself.

• how do you do poop in emoticons
• julia dreyfus nips
• jump roping at age 66
• keep your heart open and love will always find its way in
• kris jenner looks like michael jackson
• lactating fishing sex

Which I suppose is the fault of this post.

• oompa loompas of science
• orchids that look like vaginas
• people who did cereal box reports on shark wars
• planet like penis

Which is a sign that you should visit a doctor or astrophysicist immediately.

• post coital warmth
• pronuncing hamster with a p

Which is totally a thing and you should not feel guilty about it.

• robin sparkles
• rough peasant
• sanam building
• scariest picture ever taken

Which is not anything I ever claimed but which nonetheless lead to this post.

• seeing ancestors in mirror
• sexy woman and trucks
• shake big lemons tree
• shit game is shit
• snow monster
• split fin mermaids

Which, of couse, would be a reference to the sexually suggestive Starbucks logo.

• street fighter 2 vomit
• the full blossom of the evening
• those falling goats

Which would be a reference to the fainting goats.

• toad and toadette parents
• tobias fünke dean pelton

Which brings up an interesting point regarding Jim Rash on Community and David Cross on Arrested Development.

• trees that look sexual
• tumblr "blouse bunnies"
• weird creatures on plum island
• wendell borton barf bag
• what color are kidney stones
• what doesn "fingered" in a criminal sense mean
• where to buy a sugar glider dining room