Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I Can See Your Eyes

The twenty most-read Back of the Cereal Box posts of 2011:
  1. The one with the Saved by the Bell promo image that seemed to put Tori in the same room as Kelly and Jesse*
  2. The one about Marty Feldman and his weird eyes and even weirder death
  3. The one about how Retta from Parks and Recreation is the niece of one of this year’s Nobel Peace Prize winners
  4. The one about how Mario’s raccoon tail in Super Mario Bros. 3 is a stand-in for a giant, heaving ball sack
  5. The one about the Simpsons porn parody
  6. The one about the hidden sexual symbolism of that one Batman cartoon where Poison Ivy was turning people into trees
  7. The one where I transcribed Maya Rudolph’s original Glenda Goodwin sketch from SNL
  8. That one where I compared to Coco to the Venus of Willendorf
  9. The one where I explained all the sex puns hidden in Bond girl names
  10. The one about the fast, strange, great sad life of Joe Carstairs, the coolest woman you have never heard about
  11. The one where I wrote a hell of a lot more about Medusa than I planned to
  12. The one with the vintage beefcake dude fighting with a swarm of crabs
  13. The one where I accidentally signed a business missive with Duckface rather than Sincerely
  14. The one about the first cyborg in recorded human history, about whom Mozart wrote a scatological song
  15. The one where a lemur jumped over a turtle and it was awesome
  16. The one with the Baby Jesus bear
  17. The one I titled “Adolescent Wet Dream Gone Wrong: The Video Game”
  18. The one about Princess Zelda’s considerably less famous (and possibly more feminine) little brother
  19. The one where the pretty French lady shot a man and then SNL made fun of it
  20. The one where I taught you the proper term for a saint who carries his or her own severed head
* Thanks in part to a link from a porn site.


  1. Anonymous6:28 PM

    how did a porn site lead to saved by the bell?

  2. Well, the porn site led to all the hits. Random, really. Here's the link in case you're especially tempted, but be warned: it's pretty explicit. And gay. And not so much the content itself but the adds around it.

    The text itself is actually very well-written and insightful. Anyway, it mentioned the Tori Paradox and that led to my blog.