Sunday, August 21, 2011

Hot Sundae… of Death

Anyone who can muster the energy for Saved By the Bell has already seen the “New Romance” video, the sneaky vehicle that actor Miles Fisher put together to make himself appear to be more than just a supporting playing in the new Final Destination movie. You know what I’m talking about — that viral clip that answered the question “What would happen if Saved By the Bell had taken place in the Final Destination universe?”

Now, that’s not a question anyone asked aside from one particular slashfic writer with a penchant for Mark Paul Gosselaar and Seann William Scott, but Fisher should feel proud anyway. The “New Romance” video actually looks like Saved by the Bell instead of looking like a fan project that looks like Saved by the Bell. I’m genuinely curious: Did they re-create all the old sets? If not, I would suppose Fisher convince Warner Bros. to let him raid the Museum of Television History, where the sets for The Max and Bayside High School are being preserved for our children’s children, so they too can learn about how lying to adults can get you out of any jam.

See for yourself:

Now here’s the thing: I maybe thought about this video a little longer than most people would have because I actually saw Final Destination 5 — in theaters, and not for any special press screening but because it actually seemed like a worthwhile way to spend a Sunday afternoon. And because I watched this movie, I have a few questions that you shouldn’t read if you have any hope of seeing this film fresh. (Yes, I can spoil a Final Destination movie, because this one has ever-so-slightly more to it than either “Everyone dies!” or “Not quite everyone dies!”)
  • It’s a little weird that that the Final Detsination 5’s sole black character doesn’t appear, yet the square white girl plays the Lisa Turtle stand-in.
  • Also, it’s funny how Fisher (who plays the dick in the movie) and Jacqueline MacInnes Wood (who plays the requisite slutty girl) get to survive to the end, while the film’s actual leads both bite it.
  • Lastly, one of those things where I know I’m overthinking it but I go ahead anyway: The big twist in Final Destination 5 is that it’s actually, subtly, a period piece. You find out at the end that it takes place in 1999, before the events of the first Final Destination, and the two characters who evade death for most of the film ultimately meet their doom in the midair plane explosion that Devon Sawa, Ali Larter and the rest escape from in the beginning of the first movie. It’s not that the filmmakers sought to consciously evoke the late 90s in making this movie so much that they took pains not to references anything that happened in the past eleven years. (That explains some dated shoutouts to Everclear’s “I Will Buy You a New Life” and Lisa Loeb.) Knowing that, do you suppose that this this 90s throwback, Saved by the Bell-inspired video was dreamed up specifically to play into the twist? I know Saved by the Bell ended in 1993, well before poor Devon Sawa attempted to death-proof his life, but I feel like it’s notable that both the movie and the tie-in video smack of that “Hey, remember the 90s?” vibe.
Finally, what strikes you as weirder: that I have now seen all five of the Final Destination movies or that I use final destination as a verb, as in “It turns out the burner was on all night. I’m lucky I didn’t final destination myself."


  1. So basically the entire movie is a callback to the era in which the star of the original movie was still a star (well, kind of a star, anyway)? Meta!

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  3. Anonymous9:14 AM

    Honestly, they really need to stop making Final Destination sequels. IMO, they've become nothing more than multi-million dollar, two-hours long, unfunny Happy Tree Friends episodes.

  4. Sam: Basically, whether it was intended to be this way or not. But Sawa does briefly make a cameo with the re-used footage from the first movie.

    Anonymous: You may be right, though I didn't mind this movie. It created suspense. I did sort of feel like one of those awful people who watches NSCAR races hoping for a crash, but I didn't regret the money spent on the ticket.