Sunday, October 03, 2010

The Ultimate Ultimate

After much deliberation, I have decided that the best final words a person can ever speak are these: “Avenge me.” It seems obvious, I suppose, but you have to consider the effect these words would have when spoken regardless of setting, audience or cause of death. For example, major bonus points if you die of old age and still demand that you be avenged. Similarly major bonus points if you’re speaking to someone who has no familial or emotional connection to you.

A close runner-up: “You must find the golden monkey before sundown.” I mostly took this one out of the running because it won’t work if the dying person suffers from dementia, in which case those around him or her will likely assume that this also resulted from the end-of-life crazies.

On what I believe is an unrelated note, please enjoy this photo of a buffalo standing in a living room. I had intended to write about it, but got distracted pondering the ultimate ultimate line of dialogue.

For group discussion: Could the buffalo represent death?


  1. Yes and no. I believe the buffalo represents the death of the unique Native American lifestyle in favor of the sterility of modern American culture. Alternately, the buffalo represents the current lifestyle of Native Americans: Holding onto their past while resigned to a purgatorial existence on the margins of society represented by this bland waiting room. The buffalo/Indians look out the window, dreaming of a better future (hence the light), but their vision is clouded by tacky curtains. Alternately alternately, the buffalo is a P.I. about to head out to investigate some wacky shenanigans involving a pyramid scheme targeting old people out of the local bingo hall. His partner is a wise-cracking Beaver named Chuck. The buffalo is about to put on a fedora and look adorable.

  2. Anonymous2:00 PM

    Check this out on Wikipedia:

  3. I vow, if you should die anywhere near me, I will respond -- "By Grabthar's hammer, by the suns of Warvan, you shall be avenged!"