Monday, May 31, 2010

Brass Buttons and Epaulettes

My May, as represented by certain 140-character-or-less snippets.
Oh, how I have grown to hate Charline, the chatty Frenchwoman who thinks Windows 7 was her idea.

Jenny Slate’s audition for SNL included an impression of Annette Bening as a tour guide at the Holocaust Museum.

The Catholic version: "Tell me all your thoughts on God, cuz I'd really like to eat him."

Though I haven't recently moved closer to the train tracks, my room now rattles when the Surfliner rolls through town. Good sign?

All the music where I am sounds like a Fred Armisen-Maya Rudolph sketch. ¡Yay Cinco de Mayo!

TV's audio keeps briefly cutting out, making everybody on every show sound like they're swearing horribly and getting censored.

Why hasn't Toyota realized that "Moving Forward" is a terrible slogan in light of the whole sticky accelaror problem?

Wow. This week's Fringe is a total Twin Peaks fest. Even the title, "Northwest Passage," was the working title for Twin Peaks.

The reason it's always windy in Santa Maria is that not even the air wants to be there.

Automated ice cream dispenser at a sunny, hot, 101-adjacent rest stop: bad idea or worst idea?

Hey, remember when we thought we would get both an Arrested Development movie and a Veronica Mars movie?

I am amused that TCM is playing Mildred Pierce on Mother's Day.

Dear DVD companies, please stop hiding your offerings in vaults. Some of us may want to
buy the Dean Martin collection at a later date.

So Lady Sov announced she's gay. And that's weird because all this time I thought she was an Alex Borstein character from Mad TV.

Couldn't remember my room number last night. Then i finally found it. The number? My age and my birthdate. Doy.

Fun game to play at Hoover Dam: Guessing whether the tour guide has an unplacable accent or a baffling, unique speech impediment.

I am pleased to say that I am staying in a hotel that looks remarkably like the one from Twin Peaks.

Ordered for breakfast something called the Rim to Rim Platter. It managed to be even less appetizing than the name implied.

American Apparel sidewalk sale: Do you want XXLarge or XXSmall? Oh, we have just run out of XXLarge.

Dear American Apparel, I am too old and too proud to root through a bargain bin of multicolored briefs. Your rummage sale can suck it.

Six years of Lost and they never fixed the digital scrambling error that happens in the O in the opening title screen.

My breakfast burrito was ready and they called out "Togo," which is not my name but a misreading of my choice to dine out rather than in.

The "celebs die in threes" theory serves no purpose other than posthumously associating people who in life had little to do with each other.

Does it seem mean to anyone else when subtitles have music notes to signify that a song is playing? Wouldn't deaf people rather not know?

Feel like you would have liked to read these earlier? In a different setting? You could have. If only you were following
me on Twitter.

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