Friday, April 30, 2010

Bird Life in the Bronx

My April, as represented by certain 140-character or less snippets.
Sometimes I think it's too bad that funfetti is an ingredient limited to cake mixes. "Free the funfetti!" I say. "Funfetti in everything!"

Also, I'd like to also point out the strangeness of someone coining the word "funfetti," because "confetti" wasn't fun enough as is

All the DVRed shows have been deleted save for a bunch of X-Files and Rachel Maddow. It's like a creepy lesbian is sneaking into the house.

Fun fact for you: the hairless cat who played Mr. Bigglesworth in Austin Powers was named Ted Nude Gent.

Hope the quake didn't harm my loved ones, by which I mean my apartment, appliances and collection of precariously balanced glass figurines.

Things you watch at your parents' house: Sons of Tucson. I can't keep count of how many ways it bites Malcolm in the Middle.

When trying to make a TV's picture no longer distorted, it helps to change the channel from a documentary about deformed people.

Did Eloise on tonight's #Lost remind anyone else of a British Paula Deen?

I think I've been confusing Annabeth Gish and Embeth Davidtz for years now.

Watching Cheers reruns. So weird watching the early episodes where Carla is still such a knockout.

Am at a Jockey outlet, buying socks and picturing everyone here in whatever article of underwear they're currently examining.

Overheard people discussing astral projection. Heard it the first few times as "asshole projection."

Richard Gere's middle name is Tiffany. Does anyone else think this is funny? And appropriate?

We can't mock John Wayne, however, for his real name being Marion. It could be Gwendolina Tickleblossoms and he'd still be the man.

Live every week like it's shark week.

Heard from the backyard: A girl singing the love theme from Aladdin but with "Magic Mountain ride" instead of "magic carpet ride."

I just love how Coachella keeps emailing me about line-up changes, set times, etc., even though I'm not going. Just. Love. That.

New favorite awful thing to say: "Irish up that Kombucha."

Is amusing, but Drew no can continue argument in weird caveman / baby / Incredible Hulk accent.

Please join me in my backyard for Fauxchella. Seeking portable speakers, extension cords, filthy hipsters to come sweat on me.

Let's start posting fake #coachella tips. Ex: "OMG Paul McCartney and Yoko Ono duet now at Gobi Tent!"

"Hot #Coachella tip! Free VIP passes for the first 20 people who can fill their mouths with dirt and rush the main stage!

Why she looked familiar: The love interest from Kick Ass is the daughter that Bob Saget's telling the story to on How I Met You Mother.

I am not a vegetarian. However, I have to admit that Thanking the Monkey is a pretty awesome title for a vegetarianism/animal rights book.

Can I start a multicultural, globe-spanning phone dating service and call it the International Date Line?

@Fritinancy I don't think there's room for penazzling, but what about dickorating?

Theory: Earth Day was Sen. Gaylord Nelson's attempt to be remembered for something other than his first name.

A good tagline to place on a sign advertising any place ever: "As seen in Faces of Death."

Things 30 Rock taught me: There hasn't been a white Disney princess since Beauty and the Beast, which came out in 1991.

From the internets: YO MAMA SO FAT when she got cremated all the flights in Europe got canceled.

At LACMA: Just ruined a Paul Klee painting of a pair by pointing out that it looked like a Muppet Virgin Mary.

Via 360 on CNN: Claim Jumper serves a one-person rib platter that has 4,301 calories and 156 grams of saturated fat.

Feel like you would have liked to read these earlier? In a different setting? You could have. If only you were following me on Twitter.

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