Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Yesterday’s Ice Cubes

Beware the Tweets of March.
All packed for New York! Sunglasses, flip-flops, boardshorts, sand bucket and matching shovel, light jacket (in case it gets chilly).

Apparently I did dress appropriately for New York as three people have asked me directions. They were disappointed.

Attempts to look up directions to MOMA and the Frick were autocorrected and consequently got me directions to Nina and the Prick.

Girl walking into Jackson Pollock room at MOMA exclaims "I love splatter paint!"

California is colder today than New York when I left it yesterday. Is a puzzlement.

Also: sucky...
You know what's a fun little verbal mix-up? "Wanton" and "wonton."

Little-known fact: The grammatically correct plural of "paparazzo" is actually "paparazmatazz." Impress your friends with knowledge!

Not only does my car have cobwebs in it, but more than one cobweb has bugs in it and is therefore successful. My car = habitat.

Remember the 30 Rock with Liz Lemler, Floyd's girlfriend? Did anyone else realize that was the chick from My Girl?

Facebook's "get back in touch with friends you've neglected" feature makes me feel guilty, annoyed, and unwilling to get back in touch.

Spotted on State Street: Old lady leisurely driving with crushed skateboard trapped beneath rear bumper. Metaphor for Santa Barbara?

Confused in the supermarket, I held up some herbs and asked a nearby lady "Is this thyme?" She checked her watch and responded "It's 6:20."

Word sound-alikes that lend themselves to horrifically embarrassing situations: oral/aural, diarrhetic/diuretic. Especially in conjunction.

Lost viewers of SB: Did your broadcast of tonight's episode also get interrupted by scenes of a middle-aged Hispanic lifeguard?

After nine cups of green tea last night, I realized I'd bought the caffeinated kind. Met a new friend named 5:30 a.m. Guess what? He sucks.

Band at bar is playing Devil Went Down to Georgia. Quoting Futurama: Wouldn't a fiddle made of gold sound like crap?

Saw Julie Bowen from Modern Family and Aubrey Plaza from Parks & Rec within ten minutes of each other. LA is weirdness.

Griffith Park has the most sinister merry-go-round ever.

What I mean when I say "Pele": famed soccer player (67 percent of the time), Hawaiian fire goddess (33 percent of the time).

I can now watch Netflix instantly on my Wii, therefore life is improved/ruined. First up: 30 Rock pilot. Skinny Tracy Morgan!

Sometimes I think it's too bad that funfetti is an ingredient limited to cake mixes. "Free the funfetti!" I say. "Funfetti in everything!"

Also, I'd like to also point out the strangeness of someone coining the word "funfetti," because "confetti" wasn't fun enough as is.

Feel like you would have liked to read these earlier? In a different setting? You could have. If only you were following me on Twitter.

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