Mysteries of the Soiled Loincloth

As a point of reference, Daniel now lives in a state that I've heard is home to a smoke monster.

me: so are you knee-deep in pineapples, mangos and chewy, chewy cocoa beans yet?

Daniel: yes. all delicious. its warm here

me: yeah, well, it's warm here too, so whatever

Daniel: i have sand everywhere

me: well… my floor is dusty

Daniel: my hands smell like coconut

me: my hands smell like antifungal lotion

Daniel: eww

me: don't judge me, hawaii boy

Daniel: you should get coconut antifungal lotion.

me: i'm neither made of money nor living in a state where everything is coco-scented

Daniel: i have to try to get a job

me: pick coconuts?

Daniel: i thought of that

me: make hula skirts?

me: be a kahuna?

Daniel: too many already

me: but, like, be a surf guru who helps all the hawaiian youngsters learn life lessons

Daniel: ha

me: they can rap with you about their teenaged angst

Daniel: that sounds like a disney after school show. i like it

me: they'll say you have words as smooth as coco butter

Daniel: and morals as strong as our hawaiian ancestors

me: ...which you totally have

me: also: "life lessons as big as queen liliuokalani's feet"

Daniel: his word is as strong as King Kamehameha's forearms

me: i know --- you could make a living out of sneaking onto the set of lost and then selling plot spoilers to the e! network

Daniel: ha! are they still making it? its filmed like 2 miles from here

me: yes, it just went back into production after the writer's strike ended

me: maybe they'll write you into the show

Daniel: if i keep wandering onto the set

me: they'd have to

Daniel: i have a loin cloth

me: "look, there's that retard who suddenly showed up on the island. i wonder what mysteries he holds..."

me: "...under his filthy loin cloth."

Daniel: Producer: "intriguing, i wonder if he can pick coconuts"

me: which they totally need to do to clear the set. or maybe sweep up footprints so the island looks deserted

Daniel: and block traffic and helicopters and parasailers