Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Down the Potty

Yes, I reviewed The Hottie and the Nottie. Perhaps the only greater indignity lies in the fact that I work for a weekly paper and this piece of shit is being pulled from all Santa Barbara theaters after just one week, meaning that my review will not run in Thursday's paper. Aly, however, had the grace to slap it online anyway.

Down the Potty

In a perfect world, Paris Hilton would actually try to act, instead of appearing in films that allow her to play marginally more likeable versions of herself. She’d fail marvelously, with the result being those fire-spewing fiascos that draw cult followings based on their colossal badness. This, sadly, is not the case with The Hottie and the Nottie. Although this film fails in almost every way — uninspired acting, predictable plot, lame jokes, some awkward camera angles — this reviewer felt most disappointed with how utterly unremarkable it was in its suckiness. Worst, The Hottie and the Nottie commits the unforgivable sin of being boring, which seems especially strange, given Hilton’s knack for making a spectacle of herself. The plot involves pretty girl Christabel’s friendship with loathsome she-ogre June Phigg (Christine Lakin, of bygone TGIF sitcom Step By Step fame). June’s terminal fugliness stands between Christabel and lovestruck loser Nate (Joel David Moore), as Christabel has pledged not to date until June finds someone special. Of course, June isn’t really ugly, just movie ugly — gorgeous but with some hideous prosthetics wackytacked onto her face. And by the end of the movie, she’s full-on pretty and therefore able to find love. Because what kind of message would The Hottie and the Nottie be sending to its target audience of impressionable teens if it allowed the ugly girl to become happy without undergoing drastic cosmetic surgery? In short, the film fails to qualify as a hottie — or even enough of a nottie to merit any further attention. An uninteresting train wreck: How lame is that?
The only point to clarify here: Indeed, it's that Christine Lakin, who played Alexandra "Al" Lambert, the tomboy daughter of Patrick Duffy. (That is to say that she she was the only girl on the show who wasn't supposed to be Suzanne Somers's offspring.) Glad she hasn't faded of the face of the earth, I guess, but to bad that she had to pick this movie to be her return to pop culture consciousness. To Lakin's credit, she did play the pregnant high schooler in that one Rook-Knight-Bishop episode of Veronica Mars.

Bonus point: I would never have guessed that I would have brought up Step by Step twice on this blog.

1 comment:

  1. apparently it was extremely low-budg.... the (former) heiress wasn't even allotted a bra?