Monday, September 17, 2007

In Jungle Lands With Cold Cola Cans

A small note, which I realize is now the second violation of the proclamation I put forth in the birthday mouse post early today.

This weekend I happened to attend the Aloha Beach Festival in Ventura. Despite the dewy Hawaiianness proposed by the event's title, it actually had little to interest me aside from two features: dogs and snow cones. The dogs rocked my world, especially during the Wham-O-sponsored Frisbee competition, in which all manner of border collies leapt, spun, flipped and vaulted towards flying discs in ways that delight me on a primal level.

The snow cones, however, were extra fancy in that they came in flavors I've never before seen gooped onto shaved ice: hochata, jalapeno, something called Tiger's Milk, cinnamon apple, Red Hot, something called Silver Fox, and finally cake Batter.

The last is the only one I dared to try.

Cake batter, reduced to a snow cone syrup, apparently means bright asparagus pee yellow color and a taste somewhere between pure sugar and melted butter. So, in short, it actually reminded me of cake batter — only, I guess, if said batter was painfully cold and instantly dissolved the moment it touched my tongue. You might be surprised to know that the seven-year-old in me absolutely loved it, though I knew while eating it that the sugar high would eventually leave me in an inconsolably crashed state. (It did. I pouted.) I don't know how confectionary geniuses reduce sugary, unhealthy things down to flavors which can then be injected into other foods — snow cones for one, jellybeans for another — but I'm glad they do. If you happen to come across something that's purported to taste like cake batter but isn't, know one of two things: (1) that whoever is offering it to you is playing a mean, mean prank and you'll soon be wretching over a toilet; or (2) that science has managed to capture the essence of cake better without exposing us to the danger of raw eggs, and, providing that your diabetes doesn't reduce such wonders to the equivalent of a shotgun blast to the pancreas, you should indulge.

That's all I'm saying. Well, that and the fact that this all goes out the window once I try the Red Velvet Cake snow cone flavor promised on this website by the good people at SnoWizard Inc.

My day will come.

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