Let's All Drink to the Death of a Peep

What do you do with a package of Peeps two weeks past Easter? You certainly don't eat the little guys. By virtue of having sat on the kitchen counter for so long, they're practically part of the family. No, eating them would be barbaric. The only solution, of course, would be to microwave the fuckers, just to what truth lies in that urban legend about that magic hot box making Peeps expand to ten times their original size.

The innocent victim:

Round and round he goes, pulsating and mutating like some kind of puss-swelling sore.

The aftermath:

I conclude that the Peep does not become ten times larger in the microwave, but that the process of testing the theory is completely worth the time it takes. The resulting smell was 75 percent delicious. I felt 10 percent bad for the little guy, but had I a Graham cracker handy, I probably would have eaten him.