Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Oh, How Come-ly

If you look immediately below this line of text, you'll notice that I've posted a picture.

This is the picture, above this line of text.

It makes my head hurt in the same way that it might if researchers discovered that Miep Gies had recorded an original version of "You're So Vain" back in the late 1930s, before the course of history aborted her pop career. Or maybe like when you read about how those Egyptian hieroglyphics that show what looks like a cannister with a snake inside but might actually be a crude representation of a light bulb and filament.

Well, something like that.

The CD that Ms. Hilton is holding appears to be Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, a magnificent album that was one of the first complete ones I ever downloaded through Napster. (For the record, I believe Billy or Agnes recommended it.) It's highly regarded among music snob circles, so much so that those who claim an affinity for indie rock but have not heard it can become the subject of ridicule and sexual brutalization. (I've heard.) I like it, anyway. (The album, not sexual brutalization.) The album art may be familiar to those of you who have recently checked out my MySpace page, which I have decked out with the cover art of albums I enjoy.

Now, the above photo depicts In the Aeroplane Over the Sea in the hand of the last person who should ever hold it. Again, to make an analogy, seeing this photo would be kind of like walking into a room and finding a monkey holding a loaded revolver. Also, the monkey is drunk and it also doesn't like you because of a previously bad interaction. Jarring, no?

I can't imagine how she came across this. Possibly, it was the most reflective surface she could find and the above photo captured her in the moment before she looked into the jewel case to see how waxy her face looks. Or maybe somebody with taste was walking by, saw Paris Hilton, and instinctively threw the first thing they could grab and that thing just happened to be the album and they miss the album now and when they threw it it just happened to flip perfectly into Paris Hilton's hand because that's totally the kind of dumb luck that slag would have.

Or, maybe, it's just that someone photoshopped the Neutral Milk Hotel album cover onto whatever she was holding. And let's be honest, it was probably her own album. Nonetheless, it's a rude shock. Paris Hilton or Mr. Savvy Photoshop person, you should not have made me feel two things at once.


  1. either it's a product of photoshop or paris hilton has the longest fingers in the world. i'm going to let this bring closure to the malaise this picture inflicts on my mind and body whether i really believe it or not.

  2. Anonymous3:01 AM

    There's no possible way that's real:
    1) The aforementioned extremely long fingers.
    2) The KISS FM logos in the background put her in a location that's one of the least likely on Earth to co-exist with that particular album.
    3) My head refuses to believe that happened.