I

1. I used to have a spitting habit.
2. I get told probably once a month that I apparently look just like or act just like somebody else.
3. I once was approached by an angry homeless person who looked just like me, however, so perhaps the resemblances are not without merit.
4. I don’t mind public transportation, but I love taxis.
5. I am fairly good with plants.
6. I feel most people would be fairly surprised by the preceding fact.
7. I only know one person who got West Nile: me.
8. I feel that anybody who doesn’t use a tongue scraper is living way too dangerously.
9. I often have more words than places to put them.
10. I think time is catching up with me.
11. I could probably order gin and tonics for the rest of my life and never miss drinking other cocktails.
12. I enjoy the smell of new tennis balls.
13. I will play video games until I die, though not continuously.
14. I prefer pointy dogs.
15. I have eaten unusual flavors of ice cream, including cardamom, tomato, rose perfume, rum and raisin, carrot and sapodilla.
16. I hate dance music, in general, but love any guitar-based music with a danceable beat.
17. I am at the peak of my writing skills between three and five in the morning.
18. I could never drink from a keg again and be quite happy.
19. I tend to think of Christianity and Hinduism as being somehow analogous, even though I know that’s not true.
20. I strive to be politically correct, but I also believe that stereotypes exist for a reason.
21. I went to Catholic school, but always wished the stuff in the Bible was as cool as the stuff in Greek mythology.
22. I have given up on soda, more or less.
23. I loathe people who perpetuate urban legends as fact.
24. I am up for watching just about any movie, bad or good.
25. I think TV shows today may be making people a little bit smarter than ones in the past did.
26. I like it best when groups have equal numbers of male and female members.
27. I think “felony” is a pretty word.
28. I have sometimes considered sending in false confessions to PostSecret and writing them in a way that makes them seem like they are from actual people I know, admitting really awful things like eating their own shit or touching their dog inappropriately.
29. I have forgotten so many ideas for short stories that it’s not even funny.
30. I feel horses are too bitey and clompy to be pretty.
31. I have been told that no particular color is “my color,” but that I could passably wear any of them with the same result.
32. I once told my parents that I wanted to “be a mommy when I grow up,” then went on to explain that I desired this because “mommies don’t have to do any work and just sit at home and watch TV all day.”
33. I wish most of the people I attended high school with would forget they ever knew me.
34. I do not understand why peeing statues have been so popular for so long.
35. I instinctually hate any physical representation of angels, though most other religious-themed art or knick-knachery doesn’t bother me.
36. I have lost the ability to pretend to like somebody.
37. I wish Friendster had become as popular as MySpace did, since the former is so much aesthetically pleasing and user-friendly.
38. I lost the best sunglasses I will ever own at the Sydney Zoo.
39. I abhor slashes when used as punctuation in formal prose, especially when hyphens look less mathematical and visually do the job of linking to words much better.
40. I once threw up in a shoebox, apparently because I was drunk enough to mistake it for an appropriate place to deposit vomit.
41. I think most band names aren’t good enough.
42. I am especially not happy with bands that take their names from real-life organizations, like the Postal Service, Snow Patrol and Interpol.
43. I realized long ago, however, that many of my least favorite bands end in numbers, like Blink 182, Eve 6, Maroon 5, Matchbox 20 and Stroke 9.
44. I really like Ben Folds Five, though, so the previous statement isn’t always true.
45. I would be okay if it rained all day tomorrow, as a rule.
46. I wonder sometimes if I’m still subconsciously making decisions that will piss off my parents.
47. I should probably drink more milk.
48. I often worry that I use the bathroom more often than everybody else I know.
49. I wish I could declare social bankruptcy and be magically cleared of all the appointments I’ve had to cancel, calls I haven’t returned and emails I haven’t replied to.
50. I never mind the cold of winter, but only on the principle that those kinds of temperatures prompt people to dress better than they do in the summer.
51. I root for the killer when I watch slasher movies and often map the likenesses of people I don’t like to the characters who most deserve to die.
52. I would be really stoked if every cell phone in the world crumbled into dust and humankind was never able to make another one.
53. I am sad that I will never be a good singer.
54. I get annoyed by people who find feet inherently dirty or otherwise objectionable.
55. I could never love someone who could not tolerate seafood.
56. I get tears in my eyes when I watch movies in theaters, regardless of whether the content of the movie is emotionally moving or not.
57. I am listening to the only song Cameron Diaz ever recorded as I write this list.
58. I need to wash my jeans more often, not for the sake of hygiene but because they fit so much better fresh out of the dryer.
59. I think menstruation, in general, is funny.
60. I use the word “however” too often when I write and am trying to fix that.
61. I also like em dashes better than parentheses and tend to use them too often as well.
62. I do not like people who habitually fall asleep on couches in common areas of the house.
63. I have only fallen asleep during two movies in my entire life: “House of Flying Daggers” and “Barry Lyndon.”
64. I worry that I will die in my sleep, but specifically because that could happen and the last word I will have ever said will be something really stupid.
65. I have occasionally lain in bed and whispered what I think would be a final-word-to-say in order to prevent the final word I say from being something regrettably stupid.
66. I think I look stupid in a scarf.
67. I dislike palm trees because I feel that most other kinds of trees could do the job better.
68. I secretly hope spiders that are in the bathtub when I’m taking a show will survive, but I do nothing to help save them from the water.
69. I hate clutter.
70. I like root vegetables.
71. I will probably never learn the grammar rules regarding use of the words “lie” and “lay.”
72. I feel we haven’t been trying hard enough to domesticate zebras.
73. I tend to enjoy most Japanese things but tend to resent the stigma attached to people who tend to like Japanese things.
74. I wish I had an accent.
75. I have never had a dream in which I could fly under my own power — only ones in which I could jump really high or fly with some kind of external device.
76. I am pretty much okay with having lost my virginity to somebody I didn’t really care about.
77. I tend to take what people say literally, even though most of the people I know frequently speak sarcastically.
78. I often have to remind myself that there is no way to get revenge on an inanimate object.
79. I once skinny dipped in the coldest water I have ever been in.
80. I fear hypnosis.
81. I have no interest in traveling to South America.
82. I ate a rabbit on my twenty-first birthday.
83. I once tried to return a hat because it didn’t fit and the salesgirl laughed and told me the too-small hat was once-size-fits-all.
84. I can’t believe “gonad” is the proper technical term for anything, much less our reproductive glands.
85. I like country, R&B, and hip hop in their respective early states, but their modern equivalents suck beyond the telling of it.
86. I enjoy getting cuts or scratches because I think they make me look more interesting.
87. I lose everything.
88. I hate having a heavy workload weighing on my mind, but I never enjoy wasting time more than when there’s work to be done.
89. I was sadder about my fish dying than I let on.
90. I could not cry at my grandfather’s funeral.
91. I think of succulents whenever I see sharks.
92. I am irked by the western trend of renaming important cities in a way that works better for English pronunciation, but I am embarrassed to say “Roma” or “Mumbai” in casual conversation.
93. I am intimidated by large groups of women my age but not by large groups of women who are older or younger than I am.
94. I chew ice.
95. I can tell whether somebody flosses if I kiss them.
96. I have a wooden statuette of a golden hot dog with wings on my desk.
97. I am genuinely baffled by people’s desire to decorate their car with bumper stickers and have never seen a bumper sticker and wanted to put it on my car.
98. I would probably keep writing this blog even if no one read it, just so the words and stories and assemblages of facts that I find worth writing about are documented somewhere on the internet.
99. I wonder what the last blog entry I ever write will be about.
100. I couldn’t write one hundred statements about myself without including one lie, it turns out.