Thursday, January 26, 2006

Why Not "Professional Facial Mindy"?

Long story short, I've stumbled upon a site that quotes my good friend Sanam — or, rather, site content that's currently showing up in the Google cache quotes Sanam. Like this: You go and Google Sanam, like all of us are always doing all the time anyway, and Google says that Sanam is featured on this one website. So you click it, only her alleged words do not actually appear there. It's very strange.

Oh — and the website is a Russian porn site called "Amateur Facial Mindy."

Meet Mindy. (Warning: Do not go to meet Mindy at work. Doing so could get you fired.) As you can see, the website prominently features exposed vagina. Go ahead and CTRL+F for "Sanam." You won't find her. To see what Sanam said, I suggest looking at the bottom of this Google search for Sanam's full name. My guess is that Sanam's words showed up on the site — perhaps pulled from somewhere else — during the last period Google chached online content. It's gone now, so Google probably will not pick it up in the future. (A limited time offer!) However, I think it's a shame to deny the world further embarrassment of Sanam, so I've taken a screen grab of the search page and posted it here as a picture file. Now it's online forever.

Can you read what Sanam is purportedly saying? It's the best part. Yes, I know: You'd think "Russian porn website" should figure into the best part, but it's actually the fact that said site has Sanam spouting over-the-top, poorly punctuated Christian gibberish. Allow me to quote:
And that's for sure our Sanam P. from Boston and not one of the those other Sanams running around, being all Persian and mean. This is all very amusing to me. According to Sanam's LiveJournal post on the subject, she's also taking it remarkably well. I decided that, after dragging Sanam's name through the mud enough on my own site, the least I could do would be to clear up some of the false rumors surrounding this darling of the internet. Thus, please observe the following true facts about Sanam.
  • Sanam has no official association with a Russian porn star named "Amateur Facial Mindy," nor is she herself "Amateur Facial Mindy."
  • Sanam does not frequent Mindy's website.
  • Sanam does not like porn of naked ladies.
  • Sanam is not Christian. The redemptive powers pf Christ's blood will do her no good, as she has chosen to be Baha'i.
  • Sanam did not eat her pet hedgehog. She gave it away.
  • Sanam dates a practicing artist, not a practicing rapist.
  • Sanam was never eaten by mummies. She valiantly fought and killed them, actually.
  • Sanam does not know Birdo.
  • And Sanam did not, as widely reported, grow her former roommate Holly from a mole that was lanced, biopsied and then fed carcinogenic rays.
So know we have to figure out what lunatic hijacked her name for the Muslim WakeUp! article "What's Wrong With Halloween?" But that's another episode with another resulting blog entry. As it stands now, I just hope Sanam's name is a little more polished in the online world.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous2:38 PM

    Thanks, Drew. I owe you. And, for the first time ever, in a good way.