Saturday, January 28, 2006

Rank Filth Disguised by the Funky Pop Melody That Is Tom Jones' "Sex Bomb"

Whenever I have work to do, I end up piddling away time on this blog. You'd better believe I have work to do right now.

I recently noticed that Tom Jones' "Sex Bomb" has climbed up my iTunes most-played list to enter the top ten. Despite the fact that I can't remember listening to this song more than a dozen times, I've have begun to form a subconscious list of the sexual innuendo therein. It amuses me.

First, the lyrics:
Spy on me, baby — use satellite
Infrared to see me move through the night
I'm gonna fire, shoot me right
I'm gonna like the way you fight

Now you've found the secret code I use
To wash away my lonely blues
So I can't deny or lie
'Cause you're the only one to make me fly

chorus:

Sex bomb, sex bomb, you're a sex bomb
You can give it to me when I need to come along
Sex bomb, sex bomb, you're my sex bomb
And baby, you can turn me on

Now don't get me wrong, ain't gonna do you no harm
This bomb's for lovin' and you can shoot it far
I'm your main target, come and help me ignite
Lovestruck, holding you tight

Make me explode although you know
The route to go is to sex me slow
And yet I must react to claims of those
Who say you are not all that

{chorus, twice}

You can give me more and more, counting up the score
You can turn me upside down and inside out
You can make me feel the real deal
I can give it to you anytime because you're mine

{chorus}
Sure, they read like a grammatical nightmare, but it's a catchy song. It's also a damn filthy song, what with the penis-vagina talk. It's like the theme song to a James Bond porno. In fact, that very well may have been the intention. But I'd like to look at just how sexual this song is.
  1. "Spy on me baby — use satellite" = Voyeurism, made all the worse because the object of the voyeurism is fat, hairy Tom Jones.
  2. "Infrared to see me" = Sounds exactly like "infrared semen" when he sings it.
  3. "I'm gonna fire, shoot me right" = It really speaks for itself, doesn't it?
  4. "the secret code I use / To wash away my lonely blues" = The code would be sex, I'm guessing.
  5. "'Cause you're the only one to make me fly" = Well, if you take "me" to mean "gobs of semen."
  6. "Sex bomb" = I don't know what a sex bomb is, but I have to imagine that it would make the walls wet when it explodes. Or it's a girl. A girl who makes the walls wet when she explodes.
  7. "You can give it to me when I need to come along" = Yes. Yes, you can.
  8. "This bomb's for lovin' and you can shoot it far" = Well, maybe the bomb isn't the girl. I don't think she should be airborne during sex.
  9. "And yet, I must react to claims of those / Who say you are not all that" = Wait, what?
  10. "Make me explode although you know" = Now Tom's the bomb, I guess.
  11. "The route to go is to sex me slow" = Way more information about Tom Jones' sexual tastes than anybody needs.
  12. "You can turn me upside down and inside out" = Ditto.
  13. "make me feel the real deal" = None of that fake vagina, please.
  14. "I can give it to you anytime because you're mine" = Wow, great way to close, rapey.
So there you go: a filthy, horrible song that I can't stop listening to. All in all, I'm glad it wasn't my generation that originally made this a hit. But I can still do my part.

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