Monday, January 02, 2006

And a Purple Bulldozer Is Calling Her on the Phone, Too

In the back of the December issue of the British GQ is a page proclaiming Jessica Simpson as the “girl of the month.” The layout has various photos of Jessica and a neat little graph comparing her stupidity with that of Homer Simpson. But what really caught my attention were these various factoids and quotes about Jessica. Here’s a few examples.
  • “Jessica was once a dwarf. When she was younger, her mum would hang off her legs so they grew in proportion to the rest of her body.”
  • A quote from Jessica herself: “I’ve always been quite motherly. When I was sixteen, I wanted to adopt a baby boy that I found in a dumpster back in Texas. I almost took him home with me.”
  • “Jessica has, according to her mother, Tina, an IQ of 160 — up there with Einstein. But Jessica disputes this, saying it’s more like 150.”
  • Another quote from Jessica: “A dolphin might as well be a shark to me. But I put on my wetsuit and said, ‘I’m going to face this fear.’”
  • “The secret to Jessica’s perfect rear in her role as Daisy Duke? Squat thrusts and coffee: ground and rubbed into the skin, naturally.”
What?! What the fuck?! I don’t know that much about either Jessica Simpson or the British GQ, so I don’t know who’s on crack in this case. But seriously — Jessica Simpson was a fucking dwarf? Was this before or after she found the garbage baby?

Whatever the case, I think I being a fact checker at his publication would be the best job ever.

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