Friday, December 16, 2005

Shambles, Brambles: Adam Green Fucks With the Mind of "Jessica Simpson"

So Spencer’s turned me on to Adam Green, a singer-songwriter who might be more properly described as a songspeaker-songwriter, as he frequently verges on the monotone. Nonetheless, he has amusingly ridiculous lyrics that I enjoy. Case in point: his ode to Jessica Simpson, titled “Jessica.”

The lyrics:
Jessica Simpson,
Where has your love gone?
It’s not in your music, no.
You need a vacation

To wake up the cavemen
And take them to Mexico.

chorus:

Jessica, Jessica Simpson

You've got it all wrong.
Your fraudulent smile,
The way that you faked it the day that you died.

My body's in shambles

Encrusted with brambles
That sharpen the air I breathe.
What's on the menu?

Jessica can you
Take down my order please?

{chorus}

Tomorrow gets closer
A purple bulldozer
Is calling you on the phone.
Your lovelife precedes you

Your son-in-law feeds you
Injections of Cortisone.

{chorus}
Altogether wonderful. The song is readily available for download and I suggest you get it without delay. But Spencer has this sick fascination of the song getting airplay in Los Angeles and Jessica Simpson actually picking hearing it as she’s driving on the freeway.

“Why?! Why am I receiving calls from a purple bulldozer?” she’d think to herself. “Why is this person doing this? Oh, I’ll call Ashlee. She’s artsy. She knows about this kind of music.”

Great stuff.

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