Tuesday, December 21, 2004

A Letter to My Former Roommates

I really sent this. True story.
hey guys.

so i think i might have finished cleaning the pasado house for the last time. oddly, i didn't even really mind cleaning it this time.

to fill you in, subleaser keith showed up this morning to start moving in and freaked out. the house was in a pretty sorry state — shit everywhere and dirty dishes all over the counter and stove and ants and just general badness. i don't know whose fault is was and it kind of doesn't matter now, but keith started having second thoughts about living in the place. i explained that part of the mess was the fact that i was moving out and that everyone left in a rush for break, which may or may not have been a lie, but he was still not happy with the idea of living in a sty. on top of that, he couldn't tell if there'd be any room in the house for his stuff, even with everyone else's stuff square and tidy. he also asked what the rat kill list on the white board meant. i couldn't think of a good enough explanation, so i asked if he had seen the rest of the house yet. that also turned out kind of badly, since the rest of the house was also pretty messy.

i told him to come by tomorrow, since i'd have my stuff out and i could clean up a bit.

anyway, nearly all of my furniture is gone. my white couch is still in the living room and so is the green checkered chair and my rolling office chair. i'm gonna have to pick those up after school starts, but they will be gone soon enough. presently, the living room is arranged so that i can move my furniture out easily. the white couch is where the tv used to be, and since i had to remove the tv stand, the whole stereo-playstation-speaker set entertainment center had to come apart. it's now resting, unplugged and useless, on the coffee table. now, from wherever you sit in the living room, you have nothing but that to stare at. it's funny to me.

a few other things i also left behind but still intend to pick up, including the waterfall picture and the vacuum, even though the latter is missing a part i assume you guys threw out. it's a funnel shaped filter that sits in the center tube that kind of looks like lamp shade. sound familiar? i'd guess you guys threw it out when you were emptying the vacuum out. the thing now doesn't work as well. also, the axe now belongs to you guys for good. i figure it's probably soaked in rat blood, which would be the worst kind of blood, and i don't want any weird rat blood diseases.

i left a few things for you guys, according to your skills and interests. i had a perfectly good external zip drive that i have no use for that's now on phil's desk, along with a super nintendo-type controller with a usb port. for cory, i left water balloons. and for tristan, i left some mail for him, since his name was on it. i also am leaving the shipwreck picture in the living room, since someone drew all over it in permanent marking. i know that was a cheap thing i got at a thrift store, but i really liked it and i wished you guys hadn't done that or let your friends do it.

keith seems like a really nice guy. he also really liked the house. please don't scare him away. i really need him to lease my room. he also seems like a bit of a workhorse who wouldn't mind keeping the place looking nice. please please please don't break him.


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