Thursday, October 07, 2004

Sticky Bitch

An email-rant to Jill — now Jill-at-the-State-Department — that was so satisfying to write that I've decided to post it here. (As a setup, Jill has just asked me how my day is going).
it's going okay. i've been pretty busy today, but i think i can take the time to write. your roommate sucks. like, donkey anus. seriously. moe has wanted to meet for lunch since last week, so it finally worked out so that we could meet today at that potbelly sandwich place. so i text message her this morning and ask what time she'd like to meet. she says 1:30. fine. so i reorganize what i had to do today so i can go to the staff meeting, get my shit done and still meet her for lunch. i get to the place at 1:30 and she's not there, so i wait like five minutes and decide to call her. she says she just got out of a meeting and she's coming in five minutes. ten minutes late, she calls and says that she actually got confused and she's going to a different place for lunch with her co-workers.

so now i'll transcribe not exactly what moe said but how i heard it:

"hi. i am retarded and even though you totally shifted your work day around meeting me for lunch on my terms how i set it up, i think i'm just going to go to a different, farther away restaurant instead, for no good reason, and even though i said i was with coworkers -- in the plural, as opposed to one coworker -- i think i'm not going to leave their group -- because, as i said, i'm a retard -- and instead make you, the guy who made an effort to meet up with me, eat by himself. and oh yeah, by the time you actually get in line and order, you won't have enough time to eat there, so you'll have to get back to the office and eat at your desk like a troll instead of eating out of the office. and by the way -- i'm a gross, sticky bitch. bye!"

so you might hear that i text messaged the slut something along the lines of "eat shit" and how i'm rude, but i actually thought that response was appropriate, especially considering that it was lunchtime and all.

drew

p.s. oh yeah, by the time i got to my office, i had realized i had picked up someone else's sandwich. this lunch item... i can only describe it as "swimming with vinegar and mayonnaise."
A great way to finish my lunch hour.

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